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- March 15th, 2025 -
„ But we are too late, those were her last words to me, " I say but bite my lower lip while the memories of her are still fresh in my mind. I still remember that day clearly. Her eyes , nose, lips, hair , face in front of my eyes, as if I where reliving the moment over and over again. „ I still shiver when I think back to the day... The look in her eyes she gave me made me break inside... She knew she wasn't going to make it but she smiled anyway and took one last look at her daughter before she closed her eyes forever... before she left me forever. " Closing my eyes briefly, I move my gaze back to the interviewer in front of me.
„ Mister Jeon, we can take a short break if you want, " I hear the interviewer say, her voice is sad and I notice how she pulls herself together so that she doesn't shed tears in front of me. Just like I don't want to do it in front of the dozen of cameras which are all recording me.
„ No, no .. I'm fine, " I refuse to stay quiet. Because too much time has already passed where I have remained quiet, where I turned away from everything and everyone. It's time to talk, time to tell my story, cause I still owe an explanation to my brothers. I still owe a statement to ARMY's.
Taking a sip of my water, I continue. „ It has now been exactly 4 years, since she is no longer with me..., " I whisper with a broken voice but try to swallow the lump in my throat as good as possible. „ Four years is a long time, but to me it felt even longer... the days felt endless. Without her, everything just didn't make sense anymore. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep because not a second after I closed my eyes I saw her and I just felt guilty and sorry... Terribly sorry. Have you ever missed someone so much that even the thought of them makes you cry ? ... Because that's what it felt like to me every time... I tried to reduce my sadness and the emptiness in me with alcohol, but the emptiness in our apartment, in our room, on our bed remained. It didn't change. Reality doesn't change. And honestly, I still wonder how it would all turn out if I hadn't yelled at her about Jack the day, if I listened to her. Would she be with me now ? I don't know and I never will. "
„ How did you manage to get up again ? , " is the next question and my eyes light up.
„ Sarang... " A warm smile immediately spreads across my face and I notice how my eyes are slightly moist. „ My parents took care of her in the days when I came home drunk... at that time I failed as a husband and also as a father, but I couldn't help it... I-I just couldn't help but feel bad when I looked into her big expectant eyes that smiled at me, unaware of anything. For her I was still her superhero who is strong and vigorous but in reality I was weak and drained. "
