SID (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 24 (I Knew You Were Sus When You Walked In)

"Yeaaah! Alright!"

Sid rose a brow at Naruto's enthusiasm. "Why so excited, homie? We're babysitting a cranky old man, for fucks sake."

"I heard that!"

"Like I care. You need to be more self aware, anyway." Sid told him before muttering. "Old ass."

"I heard that!"

"Well, good!" Sid's eye twitched.

"This is the first time I ever left the village! I'm a traveller now, believe it!"

"Am I supposed to trust my life with this runt? He's a joke!"

"Clearly not as much of a joke as you if you need children protecting you." Sid remarked. "Protect yourself if you're not satisfied with our services." She crossed her arms.

"Tone back that wit, Sid." Kakashi warned her before looking at Tazuna.

"He's with me and I'm a jōnin, so you don't need to worry." He reassured him.

"Just cuz he's our client doesn't mean we have to suck up to his ass." Sid grumbled.

"Hey! Never insult a ninja, it's a big mistake! And I'm one of the greatest ninja ever! Someday, I'm gonna be hokage, so then you'll have to look up to me! My name's Naruto Uzumaki, remember it!"

"Hokage are powerful and wise, you are puny and brainless. The day you become hokage, I'll sprout wings and fly."

"He's got more smarts in half his brain than you do in yours. Get ready to sprout wings, old man." Sid remarked, hands resting in her pockets.

"Yeah, what Sid said! I'm willing to do anything to become hokage no matter what it takes! And when I do, everyone will have to admit that I'm the top ninja, including you!" Naruto yelled.

"You can become hokage ten times over, and to me, you'll still be nobody. A loser."

"Agh! I'm gonna make you pay for that!"

"Naruto, you're supposed to protect the client, not attack him."

"Don't worry, Naruto. He's just a hater. Haters gonna hate. Besides, if anyone's a nobody, it's him. He's an old loser, probably doesn't have any friends, either. Keep trying to attack."

"Watch it, brat." Tazuna said.

"How have you not gone deaf, yet? Still just a clown in the circus?" Sid mocked him. "Someone needs to blow an airhorn in your ear, maybe it'll pop and you'll finally hear reality telling you you're pathetic. Or maybe get you some better glasses so you can see how big your ego is-"

"Hey, Sid. Remember that guy in the green jumpsuit?"

"...Eh?"

Kakashi sighed. "The one you said looks like a stripper..."

"...Oh, yeah! What about him?"

"He's very athletic, runs around the village and all, does stand ups, push ups, sit ups, around 500 times a day or so."

"Sounds like a taijutsu monster." She shuddered. "What's your point?"

"Yep, he's a taijutsu master-"

"I said monster."

"-and a high rank jōnin like myself, so...after one of his intense workouts, I'll make you smell his armpits."

"You're bluffing."

"Am I?"

Sid started to sweat after imagining sniffing said man's armpits.

'Imagine what damage one sniff can do. The smell could destroy countries. It could result in catastrophic disaster. It may just be a disgusting puke-worthy smell, but it could cause as much destruction as an earthquake. Imagine the horror...'

Sid shivered.

"Alright, alright, I'll leave the old man alone for a while."

"Good enough for me." Kakashi gave her a closed eye smile. "Just make sure to zip it before you say something next time."

"Then how would I say anything at all-"

"That's the point."

"Oh. Asshole."

"Gremlin."

"Bitch faced."

"Abomination."

"Strange gravity defying hair that's probably fake as fuck!"

"...What?"

"I know you use hair spray. And hair gel. I can smell that shit, ya'know."

"...I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's not your natural look-"

Kakashi clapped his hands. "Let's get a move on!"

"You can't hide the truth from me, Bakashi!"

He hummed in response.

Naruto went over to Sid, whispering in her ear. "Is his hair really fake?"

"Oh, definitely." She whispered back. "He's a fake ass."

"Fake-ass?" He questioned.

"Fake-ass." Sid confirmed, nodding her head.

"Ohhh..." Naruto nodded his head slowly, squinting his eyes. "Fake-ass! Kakashi-sensei's a fake-ass!"

"Now, you're getting the hang of it." The two best friends grinned at each other.

"Sid?" Kakashi called as he walked in front of the group.

"Yeah?"

"Armpits."

"Shit! Quiet, Naruto!"

"But, I stopped-"

"Shh!"