Amazed

Chapter 24: What happened?

Y/N woke up the next morning feeling as though a bag of bricks had been thrown full force at their head. When they checked their phone, they prayed to wake up to a text from Yelena. There were a few notifications, but none from her.

(15 min ago) Uncle Steve:

"Good luck today. Let me know
what happens afterward. It will
all be okay. I'm proud of you for
doing what's right for the both
of you. Yelena will come around."

They laid their head back on their pillow feeling a bit better seeing Steve trying to build them up. It was difficult knowing that Yelena was not the only one who was upset with them. Steve had told them last night that Nat was furious and had almost stormed in their room, but he was able to talk her down.

(2 min ago) Y/N:

"Thank you. I'll let you know.
Can you keep me updated on
anything that happens with
Yelena... Please?"

(Just now) Uncle Steve:

"I'll keep you updated on what
I feel is helpful for you to know."

Y/N rolled their eyes knowing that even if Yelena or Nat told him anything, he wouldn't tell Y/N. He was trustworthy to talk to that way, which was great in most instances but this wasn't a time that they wanted him to be so good at it.

As they laid their phone down on their nightstand, a knock came from their door.

"You can come in," They yelled out as they rolled over to try and get out of bed.

Wanda stepped in slowly and closed the door behind her as she looked around their room. Not much had changed since they'd arrived. Y/N had been too busy with everything else to even try to make their room feel a little more like home.

"Hey, good morning. Sorry if I woke you, it's just... We said 8 and it's 8 so-"

"No, no. That's my fault," Y/N said rubbing their eyes and standing from their bed, "Let me just jump in the shower real quick and get ready. You can stay in here, it'll only be like ten minutes."

Wanda smiled and nodded as Y/N darted to their bathroom. The two hadn't spent any time alone since the night that the team had gone on a mission without them. Though they had dated for a while before Y/N left two years prior, there was still a bit of awkwardness between them.

"How quick was I!?" Y/N asked as they jumped out of their bathroom fully dressed and ready to go.

She laughed as she looked down at her phone to check how long it had taken, "Oh, too bad. 12 minutes."

"Fuck, I was so close," They said as the two laughed, "Whatever, let's get going."

Y/N let Wanda decide where they would go to get breakfast and she picked their favorite place to go each morning when they had breakfast dates long ago. The two walked in and took their normal booth in the corner with the perfect view of the sunrise.

"Almost like nothing has changed," Wanda said with a smile as she picked up her menu. They smiled a bit at her remark before raising their menu as well. 

After ordering and receiving their food, Y/N started the conversation, "So about yesterday..."

"I'm really sorry about how all of that went down. I never meant to cause any issues between you and Yelena," Wanda started.

Y/N quirked their eyebrow and laughed, "Yes you did."

Her mouth dropped at the accusation but laughed knowing that Y/N wasn't completely wrong. She shrugged and continued eating her breakfast.

"We need to talk about all of this though, Wands. I.. My mind is a mess and Yelena is furious with me. So is Nat. God, she might literally murder me," Y/N stated.

"This isn't anyone's business except ours," She responded.

Though she was right, their business did in fact affect the team. Often, unfortunately. Y/N knew that it was now or never to bring up the big fight. "Wanda... We need to talk about what happened before I left."

Her hand froze for a second as she was picking at a piece of her sausage. The fight between them was something that no one talked about. Not them, not the team, no one. It had been so gut-wrenching for all of them that they decided to just ignore it completely.

"What is there to talk about? It happened. Now we're here," She replied, not lifting her eyes from her plate.

Y/N cocked their head at Wanda knowing that she was stalling the conversation.

"When I left, both of us broke. I mean, we had completely broken each other but that severed it," They responded.

Wanda finally looked up from her plate and met Y/N's eyes, "Do we have to do this?" She asked.

Y/N nodded.

She sat straight up, placed her fork on the plate, and rested her elbows on the table, "You never chose me. You chose everything else over me. Your missions, your meetings, your trainings. You were so engulfed in work that you wouldn't give me the light of day," She started.

Being reminded of this time in their life was painful for Y/N, but they listened anyway. This was the only way things would get figured out.

"The fights got so bad because you never listened to me. You never heard me out. I was begging for you to love me the way I loved you and you never would," Wanda said as she choked back the crack in her voice.

Y/N took a deep breath and nodded again.

"And then when the big fight happened you just... You left. You said all of that.. shit. You said that I was controlling, overbearing, too much... In front of everyone," She finished.

By now, Y/N was also tearing up as they replayed that day in their head. Wanda had been berating them nonstop about not going on a mission that would put them halfway across the world on their anniversary.

"That mission was big to me, Wanda... But I think now that it's all passed.. I can see why you were so hurt," As they spoke, some light bulbs began to go off in their brain.

"I never meant to do any of that to you. I never meant to hurt you, but my job was important to me and I felt like you never cared about that. I felt like you never supported me, which just made me want to do it more. It was my outlet... from you."

Hearing the end of their statement provoked more tears from Wanda. She'd finally heard it from their mouth. 

"You loved your job more than you loved me..." She said back without breaking eye contact.

Y/N glanced down as they processed that thought. She was right. They did.

"I think we just weren't good for each other, Wanda. I think.. No matter how hard we tried, we were never going to work. I mean shit, we still can barely talk without arguing and it's been two years," They replied.

Wanda was still processing all of it when Y/N continued, "I do love you..." They said as Wanda looked up to meet their eyes, "but I think it's always been platonic."

Y/N watched the dam break behind her eyes knowing that they'd never loved her the way she loved them, "I gave you everything... Why wasn't I enough..." She asked through her tears.

Seeing her like this was breaking Y/N, but it was also finally giving them clarity with everything they'd been through.

"It wasn't you, Wanda. You did everything you could... I just wasn't where you were. I'm sorry," They responded.