CHRYSALIS

45. Part Four.

august 1st, 2021

Some mornings I miss the beach. I miss the smell of the West Coast, I miss the way the sand would dry my hair out, and the way I'd gasp as the waves touched my skin and welcomed me to their world. I missed the seagulls and the sandcastles and the way my car would be a fucking mess on the way home.

Some days I really miss the beach, but today isn't one of them.

I'm sitting on the balcony of the apartment, it's 10 am. The sun is shining, the birds have been singing for hours, I've seen 3 couples walking their dogs down the street, I can hear cars honking and driving and moving through the city in the distance.

The street is still and calm, just a gentle breeze moving the trees in front of me.

"Hi, Gramps. Good morning, it's a pretty one, isn't it? I think so. I feel lighter today. I feel a little bit more like me today, think I might wear some clashing prints and a pair of earrings, see how far I can push it."

"I thought that I would miss working Sunday mornings for the brunch shift, but I don't. I'm glad I have them off now, I'm glad that Harry and I get to keep our thing, it helps when I have a bad week. Knowing a sexy man is going to treat me to a pastry and coffee every Sunday morning is comforting."

"Speaking of said sexy man, he asked me if I wanted to move into the master bedroom with him. I feel like Mom might be helpful in this conversation too so if you could drag her ghost ass into this that would be great, thank you. Now, what the fuck am I supposed to do? "

"Let's think this through, shall we? On one hand, we do sleep in the same bed almost every single night because I don't do well sleeping alone yet, I'm still having some nightmares, thank you for the trauma Mom, and so it's easier for me to just sleep with him."

"However, I feel like sharing a bedroom has like a relationship vibe to it and we have not established what the fuck we are doing in that department. We haven't kissed in a month, since the day before we came here, we've held hands I think twice and it was literally like him pulling me behind him...but most nights I sleep wrapped around his body like a koala so are you seeing the dilemma here? He asked me days ago and I just don't know what to do and I can't ask my friends because they're all in love with him so they're biassed as hell. Give me a little help here?"

The trees continue to sway in the wind, a dog barks in the distance, and no sign is given to me.

"Excellent, just keep blowing your little leaves, you're both incredibly unhelpful. Goodbye, love you."

My chair squeaks as I slide it away from the small cafe table and make my way inside. It's warm today, the A/C feels nice on my bare skin. I'm wearing a set from a local shop that I've come to love, it's just a cami and boy-short set but I've bought it in at least 6 colors and it's all I've worn at home this last month.

I threw it on with a cardigan this morning like I do most mornings, and came out to find Harry had already vanished. Lately, if I sleep in he won't wake me, he'll just go get our goodies and bring them back and we'll have our Sunday date at home.

I pour myself a glass of water and grab a handful of blueberries from the fridge before plopping my happy ass on the couch and clicking on the dreaded Twitter app.

Harry is trending this morning, that can't possibly be a good thing. My stomach starts to twist with anxiety while I choke on the blueberries I was trying to swallow.

Oh fuck, is he being canceled?

She's back.

I know you missed me.