Maximus of Mine

Page 19 That Cyclist

He gave a cynical smile, something about it was not meek anymore, "I want to be mad at you...But you're too beautiful," And that finally pushed the last button in my mind, "Is that all you see? Does nothing else matter to you?! It's so shallow"
"You keep telling me that I'm not good enough. Always. You're terrible to me, Daffine. I have only been nice to you and you..."
"You? Been nice to me?"

"Yes, but you don't like that, do you? Bitches like you only like men who treat you like trash,"
"Belittling me won't magically make me like you, Dylan,"
"I don't care anymore,"
"Oh, I see how it is. You fed kindness coins into me to make me like you,"

"I didn't. Believe me, I really did like you...but I do not like it when you yell at me, I don't like it when you belittle me. You have constantly disrespected me, but I took it...because I loved you. My mistake was thinking that you would love me too," It was so quiet, I could hear him breathe. His breath was fast, and irregular, as if he was crying. But I couldn't see his face clearly, maybe because it was too dark because of the eclipse, maybe because my eyes were a little watery.

"You say I am shallow because I find you beautiful, you're the shallow one here to consider that whenever I call you beautiful, I mean it as your looks. I thought it was beautiful that you resembled peace and serendipity. I told myself how beautiful it would be to be loved by you. In my love for you, I wanted to find love for myself.

Maybe soon, my memories of you would transform you into something no one can ever love, even if it's just in my head. And a few years down the road, I'd probably forget your face, and you'd just be a rusty, nasty feeling in my heart; a bitter taste of casual cruelty at the back of my tongue that once called out your name; or a fragment of a nightmare I once thought was true. You'd be reduced to a shade of sadness...

I hope that's deep enough for you. Sorry for wasting your time,"

I had been paddling this stupid electric bicycle that was low on battery. Outside the university, out of the city, into the city gate as the silence of the gleaming sun hit me. The eclipse was breaking through as I reached my hand into my pocket and pulled out a crumbled piece of paper.

I opened the little speck of paper, which looked too small to hold those three words, yet bigger than my cold heart.

Dylan left. I tell myself that I have so much love to give...but I don't know how to pass it into another human's hands. 

Suddenly, a stone puts an end to my bike journey as I stumble and fall into a newly irrigated field of potatoes. I got mud on my hands, on my knees but I lost my note in the grass and the mud. I stumbled my way up and I looked around me, everything was empty, as if I was the last person alive, as if I ruled this world for a few seconds. And I looked at the horizon, the sea was far away and I screamed to it to take my frustrations out. I was so upset with myself. At this world who wouldn't teach me how to hold all these colossal emotions in such a tiny body.

"SHUT UP!" I heard someone yell at me and turned back. It was...It was him... THE BLACK HOODIE WEIRDO PERVERT!

-To be continued