My Love is a Star (BTS Suga Fanfiction)

96. Her

YOONGI's POV

"What the fuck..."  I sat bolt upright in bed with my heart pounding. It was beating so fast, it felt like it could actually break out from my chest. I clutched it with my hand in an attempt to steady its beating to no avail. Did I have too much caffeine today? Nah, that couldn't be it. I've been drinking coffee for a decade and I haven't palpitated once. I don't recall dreaming about anything before my eyes sprung open too. Fuck, then what the hell? 

My room was in pitch-black darkness. My hands searched the sheets for my phone. I need to check on Rozie and make sure she's alright. This may be my sixth sense talking to me. 

My eyes squinted as I unlocked my phone. It has been just an hour since I fell asleep. I'm a deep sleeper so I couldn't just simply be woken up. My lab's soundproof so it couldn't be from the noise outside. This is really strange.

This isn't the first time this happened to me though. When I was still emotionally struggling about Rozie, the times of me waking up in the middle of the night, feeling like I'm having a heart attack were countless. It didn't matter which country we were in or the quality of the hotels we checked into. Exhausted or not, those nights haunted me like a madman on the loose. It came to the point when I actually feared sleeping. I knew for a fact that I'd still find myself moments later, clasping both my knees together as I gasped for air. 

The horrors came about every single night and nobody knew about it besides Jin Hyung. He'd stay awake and just silently remained on standby in case things got out of control. It wore him out but never did I once hear him complain. He didn't say a word to anybody about the ordeal I was in. He knew me too well to respect my silence. And despite how painful each experience was, I coped by myself and didn't cry for help.

Looking at Rozie's picture on my phone's screen, I can't express how thankful I am to have her back in my life. She is my everything. Despite so much anguish, my heart fought to keep my mind sane as I live for the day when I'd see her again eye to eye. And now that we're finally together once more, there is nothing in this world that I can't endure because of her. My mind, heart, and soul speak of her. She owns every single part of me. She and she alone will be the only one for me. 

I badly want to hear her voice but she may still be sound asleep and I didn't want to wake her up.

"Babe, are you up?" I sent her a message instead. Surprisingly, she responded right away.

"Cooked some pancakes. I got hungry. Why are you up?"

I would've called her and told her what happened, but worrying her is the third of the last things I want to do to her. Making her cry and angry come in first and second respectively on my list. But why is she up this early? Can't she fall asleep? ... Is someone making her not to?

"Hey listen, it didn't mean anything. He needed it. He was grieving. I think this is a time that you should put your indifferences off, don't you think?"  Her exact words came into play before I even exaggerated things in my mind again. "What you guys have is long overdue. But I get it. I'd like you to at least think rationally if that's not too much to ask."

I hate to admit it but she's right. What ever happened to me and Jungkookie? How did we get from being close-knit brothers to perfectly estranged people?

I laid my head back on my pillow as distant memories of our strong brotherhood gradually got drawn out from a place in my mind I thought I'd never open. 

He was such a young boy the first time I saw him. His big doe eyes couldn't even look straight back at us when he got to the dorm.  He looked too frail back then, making me doubt if he truly was aware of what he wanted, much more withstand what it takes to get him there. He was too reserved and only spoke when asked. He'd just stay quiet in one corner during practice breaks while the rest of us crowd together with our loud voices filling up the rehearsal room. It got to the point when we actually saw him unfit for the idol life. Yes, he can dance and sing but the boy didn't have social skills. If he doesn't know how to interact with us, how will he handle himself when we get onstage and appear on national tv?