Maximus of Mine

Page 22 Going To That Party

I am so annoyed right now. I helped her and in return I got my pride hurt. Over one girl who has stupid curly hair? Does she know how much I hate curly hair? She always pisses me off.  

I heard my phone and grabbed it aggressively, "What do you want?"
"Wow, someone's in a mood," It was Glen.
"Yeah, I just had a long day,"
"Well, don't worry. I got the perfect night planned for you. George and I are here. You should come to Femke's. We got the booze, got the girls. Time to get drunk and laid,"

"I'll be there," That's right. That's the best way to forget about it. I take my bicycle out. Drenthe looks pretty at night. The sky shines above me as I watch the clouds uncover the full moon. The canals on my way light up to the colour of my eyes. I feel like I'm watching myself everywhere I go. I feel light as I paddle my bicycle, like a beam of vermillion hue in darkness with my orange hoodie and the streets coloured with orange flags.

Oh yeah, Kingsday is coming soon.

Femke welcomed me with a hug. I always kind of liked Femke. We dated for a while, and it didn't work out. But she's bearable. I've never really had any bad blood with any of my exes. Probably because I've never been much in love with them. The depth of emotions makes them harder to come out of. I feel like an immature learning to swim in a sea of emotions that I don't understand, and make love to women that I don't love. 

Some people aren't here to stay and that's okay, cuz neither am I. 

"CHEERS!"
"MOOIII"
We take our shots and go for seconds. The place is lit up green and blue. And I smell the weed and the alcohol. I noticed this one girl who had been looking at me all this evening. Glen elbowed me, "You gotta make your move,"
"She's not my type,"
"Who cares? It's one night. She's not here to stay. I'm not asking you to spend the rest of your life with her,"

He's right. I'm not here looking for a companion. I'm here to have fun. I'm here to feel like I'm finally 18 and this is where I belong, among my friends, among people like me, in this music and heat, the smell of cigarettes. It's almost emancipating. 

I keep my glass aside and make my move towards her but then my eyes suddenly wander at that hair; I can remember her posture, the build of her shoulders. It's that curlhead! 

"First, I gotta smoke," I told Glen as I began following her with my eyes before I lost her.
"What about your girl?"
"I just found another one. I'll see where she takes me,"
"You fucking bastard! Just don't end up having sex in my yard again," 
I laughed. He's not letting me forget that, is he? "I'll try"

I walked behind as she came out of the house and crossed the road, standing on a bench near the pavement placed right in front of Femke's house with a forest behind it. She was in a pair of blue jeans and a beige sweater. I exhaled and walked towards her. She recognised me; I could tell. I stood before her, "Hey curlhead!"

"Oh, you again! Good evening," She looked at me as she stood up, "What are you doing here?"

"That was what I was going to ask you. Why are you at Femke's party?" I asked her.
"Whose Femke? I came here because my friend's girlfriend is throwing a party and he wanted to introduce me to her"
"Your friend's girlfriend is Femke!" I was amused. Perhaps jealous. Femke did not tell me she had started seeing someone else. 

"What a small world. Your friend is dating my ex"
"I think she has a bigger identity than being just your ex...Doesn't she?"
She's right. The world doesn't revolve around me.
"Perhaps you're right. But if you're here to see her, why are you outside?"

"Crowds intimidate me. I can't stay among huge crowds for very long,"

I pulled out a packet of cigarettes, "You can smoke. It always calms my nerves,"
"My nerves are calm. Why did you come out here?"

"I like smoking alone, in a quieter place."
"No, I mean, to this party,"
"My friend Glen called me here,"

"Seems like Femke and you are still friends after all" She smiled at me.
"It's complicated. Femke's house is like an old CD drive to me. I can see all the places I've undressed myself. All the places where I've felt like a man. I miss the control I had over Femke. Her mind..."

"Do you love her?" She asked me. Honestly, I couldn't answer. I had to think back for a moment. Did I? It was a silly thing we had, but I wouldn't give my life for her. 
"I think I loved her"

"No, you didn't. If you "think" you love someone, you don't. When you know you love someone, that's when you do. Love is respect. Love is acknowledgement. Love is companionship. Love makes you a different you, everyday. So, don't use it so freely if you don't feel it"

"You make it seem like some sort of a magical miracle" I lit my cigarette. 
"Who cares? Is love nothing short of a miracle?" She looked at me.

"It's not that deep, curlhead,"
She must've never had her heart broken. 

-To be continued