Chapter 34- Oooh, Baby, Baby

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Whoa Baby

Chapter 34- Oooh, Baby, Baby

"The things we fear the most already happened to us."- One Hour Photo {Robin Williams}





It was Sunday, and in my grandmother's old eyes, I'd probably be damned to hell for wearing pants to church, but I couldn't care less. Shocking though, because when I had walked down the stairs she didn't even take a second glance at me and my olive green stretchy pants. I wasn't about wearing a dress in this cold early November weather. Personally, I think, after the talk with my grandmother, she seemed a little at ease with me. Maybe she just had more hope now that maybe I could change my mind.

I didn't want to burst that bubble quite yet.

I sat in my regular pew spot though, waiting for church to start, but soon after had to get up because I had to go to the bathroom, again. I just went ten minutes ago Jesus Christ... Ugh, I'm in church, sorry Lord for I have used your name in vain in your house.

I did my business fairly quickly, taking my time walking back to my spot on the pew. I walked around, chatting with people for mere minutes, then stood by the front door, taking in some fresh air and drinking some water. That's when JC walked in rather quickly. Probably to get away from the cold air, but right now it felt nice.

"Hey." He said, wide eye when he found me standing there.

"Hey." I greeted back with a small grin.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, "Standing here alone rather than over there." He clarifies, pointing to the pew where I normally sit waiting.

"I just needed to get up and walk around for a bit." I tell him, with a shrug. Now this you won't expect. I hugged JC. Yes, you heard me right the first time, I hugged JC.

"Are you okay?" He asks, hesitantly, putting a hand on a small part of my back as a way of hugging me.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." I mutter, holding him tightly. All I could remember is the words JC spoke that night. I saw him and I just heard the words repeat in my head. Don't give up on the baby.

Both his arms went around to hug me and it now felt like a real hug. A great comfortable hug that I didn't want to let go of. "I'm scared. Not of the baby or how my future will happen, but of you too. That's been the real reason all along."

"I know." He whispers. I wasn't only scared if he'd end up like his father, I was scared of where JC stood. I'm scared that one day he could take off and never to be seen again and as hard as it is to admit it, even to myself, I'd be heartbroken if that happened. I think I rather him tell me he wants out then for him to just disappear. But what I fear the most is not being able to provide for my child, and regret not giving him better chances in life. You live one life and every moment of it counts.

He pulled away, a faint grin on his lips as he holds out his fist to me, "We got this." He says, hitting his fist with mine, "I know I didn't sound so confident and that probably didn't make you feel any better, but we'll give it our best."

"You've got that right." I grin, fumbling with my fingers in front of me nervously, "I know this may sound odd, but I felt like my grandmother was the only person who was handing me something I wanted rather than, like, my mother, who just kept telling me the right thing to do. At first, I didn't believe her when she said she wanted what's best for me, but she knows what I want out of life-"

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