Through My Window

Original Edition: 50. The Forgiveness

50

RAQUEL

New Year's

I'm sorry...

Forgive me...

I never meant to hurt you.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Asking for forgiveness can be so difficult, it requires maturity and courage. Admitting that you were wrong means facing yourself and facing the fact that you are not perfect and never will be, that you are capable of making mistakes like everyone else.

The worst mistakes are those that you can't erase, no matter when they apologize, no matter how much they do; those that leave a scar on your heart. Those that still hurt when you remember them.

New Year's Eve has an air, a way of making us sensitive, of making us reflect on everything we have done, what we have not done, the people we have affected in a good or bad way. I've been through so much this year, especially since the summer...; the last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me.

The clock shows 11:55pm and my eyes fill with tears, which I would like to say surprises me, but it does not. I have always cried when midnight approaches on New Year's Eve, whether out of sadness, joy, nostalgia or a combination of emotions that even I have not been able to decipher.

My mother puts her arm over my shoulder to hug me sideways, we are both sitting on the couch. We are at the house of her closest friend, Helena, who has a large family. We always spend New Year's Eve here. I guess my mother has never liked the idea of us spending it alone, and neither do I.

My mother caresses my arm, resting her chin on my head.

"One more year, baby."

"One more year, mom."

Helena appears in front of us, holding her three-year-old grandson in her arms.

"Come on, stand up, it's time for the count."

There are about fifteen people in this small room, the host on the TV screen starts counting backwards.

10...

Dani's laughter...

9...

The Carlos' foolishness...

8...

Yoshi's nerdy arguments...

7...

Apolo's innocence...

6...

My

5...

Ares' hurtful words...

4...

Ares' sweet words...

3...

His beautiful smile when he wakes up...

2...

The deep blue of his eyes...

1...

I love you, witch.

"Happy New Year!"

Everyone is shouting, hugging, celebrating, and I can't help but smile, even though thick tears are streaming down my cheeks. The unstable one has passed on his habits to me.

I miss him a lot. After Halloween, we've seen each other almost every day, but two weeks ago he told me that his family always spent Christmas and New Year's on an exotic beach in Greece, because apparently they have family there, and I couldn't help but tease him about the Greek gods going to Greece. Ares asked me over and over again if I wanted him to stay, how could I allow myself to take that time away from him with his family? I'm not that selfish.