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𝐓he next day, Illyan woke up with a bad headache and his usual stomach ache. He felt something move from under him and sighed when he saw that it was Soleil trying to sleep.
One thing he hated with being drunk was that he remembered everything. He remembered every little thing that he did, everything he said ect..
He always saw that as a curse or something that God did to punish him for getting drunk every night.
Usually he wouldn't care because he was alone, but now he affected Soleil. A person that he cared about a lot.
He never wanted her to see him this way, but with everybody comes flaws. And sadly Soleil had to see those flaws earlier than expected.
He didn't know how this was going to affect their growing relationship, but he hoped that she still wanted to be near him after what happened.
He hoped that she was aware that he'll never put his hands on her, nor destroy her mentally at least not on purpose.
He sighed and looked down at her sleeping figure before cracking a small smile. He thought that she looked beautiful and so peaceful while she slept.
Illyan tried to move his arm to reach for his phone, but like always he couldn't. His body was back being numb.
He groaned in annoyance and threw his head back.
" Mama" he whispered in Soleil's ear trying to wake her up.
" Mhm" she groaned as she tried to get comfortable in his arms. Soleil haven't got much sleep last night, since she always woke up trying to make sure he was okay.
" Wake up" he kissed her forehead.
Soleil's eyes snapped open and she sat up before rubbing her eyes and looking around.
" You okay?" she immediately asked trying to see if he was now in his right state of mind.
" I'm straight. My bad though, Ian' want you ta' see me like dis" he apologized kinda feeling ashamed of himself.
Soleil was the only person he wanted to protect from seeing this side of him.
" It's okay" she mumbled, " You know that you'll eventually have to tell me what's going on" she also said.
" I know" he sighed. That was what Illyan feared the most, since he didn't know himself what he was doing.
" Ca' you reach me my phone ova' thea'?" he asked.
" Illyan it's literally right next to you" she looked at him blankly.
" I know, but I can't move mama" he sighed looking up at her.
" How come?" she asked confused. He looked perfectly fine to her, she didn't understand what was wrong.
" Ion' know mane, my body jus' become randomly numb" he tried to explain the best he could, since he didn't have no real explanation to this problem either.
" How can you use your phone since your body numb?" she asked as she looked at him blankly.
" I ca' move my hands mama, jus' not my legs nor arms" he explained.
Soleil hummed and straddled his lap to get his phone that was on the nightstand.
Illyan bit his lip and looked up at her.
" Stop looking at me" she chuckled, giving him the phone.
" Preciate you" he thanked her checking his notifications, " Youn' work ta'day?" he asked.
It was currently Saturday, and Soleil usually worked the weekends.
" No" she shook her head, " I took the weekend off to make sure that you was okay" she bit her nails.
" Stop doin' dat" he scolded, " I appreciate you fa' checkin' on me mama, but I can't come between you an' ya' bread"
" No it's okay I promise" she quickly shook her head, " I needed to take the weekend off anyways, I work way too much" she sighed.
Soleil came to realization that she worked way too much, and didn't get enough sleep. So she tried to change her schedule to only be working on week days, and on reasonable hours.
" How's college goin'?" he then asked, proud that she was still enrolled in school unlike him.
" Good, I got one more year left before I graduate" she cheesed. Soleil was proud of her for not giving up, when she really wanted to.
" That's good mama, I'm prada you" he smiled.
" Thank you" she smiled back, " Can I ask you something?" she nervously asked as she bit her nails.
" Stop doin' dat Soleil I already told you" he said referring to her biting her nails, " But wassup?"
" Why-why did you become a hitman?" she nervously asked. This question's been on Soleil mind a lot, since he first told her. But she was too scared to ask earlier.
" Cause that's tha' only thing I know how ta' do" he answered bluntly.
" What you mean by that?"
Illyan sighed and began explaining, he had to open up and as much as he didn't want to. He had to do it, for his and her own good.
" When my folks died, fa' tha' first time in my life I felt alone. So I did wha' I had ta' do ta' survive feel me? At tha' age of seventeen I picked up my first gun an' caught my first body. At tha' time I thought dat wha' I was doin' was right, but now dat I've grown an' matured enough. I realize dat I'm really fucked up, my job is fucked up an' my life is fucked up. I wouldn't even be surprised if you decided ta' leave" he shrugged. As much as he wanted to think differently, Illyan thought that Soleil would leave him at some point. A guy like him came with a lot of baggage and in his case, he wasn't sure if Soleil could handle it.
" Illyan...So that's really what you think? Why would I leave huh? I wouldn't leave even if I wanted to. You need help and obviously I'll be here to help you, but I can't help you if you don't want to be better first" she said as she looked down at his figure.
As much as Illyan wanted to believe her and think that her words were genuine, he couldn't. People fucked him over and have broken promises too many times for him to believe her. He knew that Soleil wasn't like anybody else and was actually genuine in everything that she did, but something in him prevented him from giving her his whole.
Something in him told him that alcohol will always be the solution, and he was slowly starting to believe it.
