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alexa, play wish i never loved you by bolshiee
DAY 47
Amelia was so befuddled by her own thoughts that she hadn't even realized that she had been stirring the cream and sugar in her coffee for two minutes straight. Her chestnut eyes were focused on the kitchen counter, staring at it through her zoned out haze. It wasn't until Steve had cleared his throat behind her that she snapped out of her daze.
"Are you okay, Rose?"
She blinked a few times, thoroughly pondering Rogers' question in depth. The truth was, Amelia was far from being okay - she hadn't felt this much disorder in her life since her mother got admitted into the psychiatric hospital ten years ago. The more days that passed without word from Natasha or James, the more anxious she continued to feel.
Finally shaking her head, Amelia murmured, "Not really, no."
Steve approached Amelia slowly, moving his hand over hers that was still aimlessly stirring at her coffee. "Okay, talk to me."
Her eyes flickered up to meet his - her heart aching at the way his eyes almost resembled James' bright blue ones. "We haven't heard anything in four days," she whispered faintly.
She had expected to at least hear from Romanoff and the other agents on their whereabouts or if they made it out safely, but it had been completely silent. They had heard nothing from anyone at all. To say it made Amelia nervous would be an understatement.
"I know," Steve said quietly. "But we can't think the worst just yet. We have to stay optimistic. With a situation like this, there was bound to be some hiccups."
It made Steve feel bad to watch Amelia sulk around Buck's quarters the last few days. He knew how much the waiting around must have been killing her inside - especially seeing how the two of them were before Buck had to leave. Their connection was undeniable, that much Rogers knew for sure. He had never seen Bucky on this level with anyone for the entire time he had known him.
Turning back to her coffee, Amelia circled her finger around the rim of the warm mug. "You didn't have to stay here with me, you know. I feel like you should be helping the others."
"I told Buck that I wouldn't leave your side."
Her lips formed into a thin line as she thought back to the very last second she was able to examine James' face before he left. Not knowing whether he was alive or dead made her heart lurch in ways that she wasn't fond of.
"Plus, I owe you," Steve shrugged. "You were there for me during my lowest point. I think it's only fair that I'm there for yours, too."
Amelia smiled half-heartedly up at him.
"Something else is bothering you," Rogers assessed further, leaning against the kitchen counter now as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"I didn't know that you became a therapist, Rogers," Amelia teased lightly, bringing the mug up to her lips as she sipped on the hot liquid.
The corners of Steve's lips lifted faintly as he lowered his head to meet her eyes. "Seriously, Rose."
Her eyes lifted from her coffee to look up at him. "James was going to tell me how he feels about me, and I didn't let him."
It was the one thing that Amelia had been beating herself up the most for during the last few days. She contemplated whether or not it was selfish, or just stupid. It could have been the very last time she would get to see him, let alone talk about their feelings together, and she threw it out of the window completely.
"Well," Steve chuckled softly. "He didn't let you either."
"What if that was a mistake?"
The all-too-familiar lump had begun to form inside of her throat, along with the scratchy feeling, as the tears welled up in the corner of her eyes.
Steve watched as Amelia forced back the tears, his heart feeling as though it was dropping into his stomach as her strong facade dwindled.
"What if I don't get to tell him that I love him, Steve?"
And that was all it took for her sobs to consume her altogether, rippling through her chest as she bit down on her lip so harshly that she thought it would draw blood, letting her head fall so that her red eyes and trembling lips would be hidden from Steve's view.
Steve pulled Amelia to his chest, one arm cradling her head while the other arm wrapped around her shaky shoulders.
"He knows," he whispered against her wavy hair, his eyebrows pulling together tightly as he listened to the sound of her crying.
"I just-" Amelia hesitated as she whimpered softly, squeezing her eyes shut. "I just want to tell him that I love him."
Amelia wished that it all could have ended differently - that James didn't have to ever deal with Hydra again after the last time, that he could live the normal life that he craved, that they could just be together. James had been through more than enough during his one-hundred years of living, why couldn't the universe just give him the break he deserved?
"Shh," Steve cooed. "He knows you love him, Amelia. Look at all you've done for him, you have fought the hardest for his freedom. Of course he knows that you love him."
"I can't lose anyone else," she squeaked into Steve's shirt.
Amelia couldn't even remember her father - he left before she was even at the age of being able to have memories to look back on. Her mother had been ripped away from her by a devastating mental illness at only seventeen years old, becoming an empty shell of the mom she grew up with. Amelia didn't want to know a world where the man she loved didn't exist.
She couldn't even remember what life was like before she met Bucky Barnes.
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92k views, holy shit -
thank you guys SO much.
i wanted to address something that i keep seeing comments about as well - Amelia is a twenty-seven year old woman, she is indeed on a form of birth control but i didn't feel the need to go into full blown detail about it.
