chappie fifteen: sense of comfort

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Fairytale romance stories belonged in the back of the library so that nobody could find them and become attached to the unrealistic idea of "true love" like she used to. They were entertaining to read and fun to insert her own imaginations, but to connect it with her own realities and compare them to her own love lives would only end in disappointment and high standards.

At least that's what Yona believed was going to happen to her. She perched her head on the palm of her hand, half-lidded eyes threatening to close. She turned the page of a dusty book, focusing on the microscopic words. Her motivation to read was to refrain from thinking of anything else.

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.

All Yona could do was still think about so many things at once that it caused her a headache. Coming back from Okinawa, she reassured herself that everything was going to be fine from Toritsuka's oddly nice behavior toning down to her questionable feelings towards Saiki. Everything would fall into place.

But after her argument with Toritsuka, or whatever it was, her hopes turned out to be a stinking lie that blew up in her stomach, leaving a deflated and mushed up mess that she could only describe as complicated feelings.

Her skin itched through every thought in her mind that jumped from one theory to the other. Yona never had doubts about Toritsuka's friendship towards her and she also knew that Saiki wasn't the social type. But there were many conclusions that she was jumping to and if it were reality, she'd be six feet under already.

Yona's eyes lowered to the closed book she gave up on.

Toritsuka went from girl to girl and while it didn't bother Yona, the fact that if he were to ever find someone who he gave his heart to and shared a piece of himself with, that would hurt her. It meant that she no longer held a special place in his life. There would be a shift in their connection, withering away like a dehydrated flower, lacking the sun's attention that it needed.

After their argument, she realized a whole lot. When Yona first met eyes with Toritsuka, their was no automatic spark until he started talking with her. The brief conversation turned into a deeper understanding of one another, but it was that understanding of loneliness that brought the together in the first place. Reita brought up someone dear to Yona and listened to her even though he could've walked away. He spared her the time when nobody else did. It was the attention he gave her that she began to grow attached to. Deep down, despite the love and attention her parents gave her, she craved it from those who weren't obligated to love or attend to her.

She angrily clenched her fist at the irritation stirring in her stomach. A friendship built on needs sounded pathetic. Not all of it, but most of their friendship wasn't healthy.

As for Saiki, Yona wanted to hang out with him without having to actually talk to him about it. She wanted him to be comfortable enough to engage in a conversation, but because he wanted to, not have to. She sat with him before and he didn't seem to mind her presence, this was clearly evident when he teased her.

Yona felt her nails pierce her skin as she thought back to that moment, then to the beach where she basically told him she wanted to see him more. Her brows furrowed in distress. Toritsuka had been the only male friend she considered being close to and didn't want to betray that friendship by being close with anyone else.

"Am I that needy?" Yona slumped her shoulders, head planting on her limp arms that were flat against the table.

"Only if you keep moping about it." A monotone voice surprised her.

Yona's spine shot up straight at the sound of the voice. She whipped her head around in embarrassment to see Saiki standing alone with a book in his hand. He silently sat across from her and began reading. Yona could only stare at him in both confusion and interest.

"You never smile." Was what she said.

"So I've heard." He replied.

Another moment of silence passed. Yona pressed her lips in a flat line at the one-sided awkward tension. She drummed her fingers against the wooden table until she saw the pink haired male's irritated gaze on her.

"Stop that." He whispered.

"Why are you here anyway? There's other tables for you to sit at." Yona glanced around seeing empty tables.

Saiki ignored her. He turned the page to his book. Yona didn't say anything else, her energy too lowered to start a ridiculous argument. She wasn't exactly bothered by Saiki's company as it was one of the things she wanted more of. And she found herself changing her mind about something she once disagreed with.

"He is an idiot." Yona blurted. She stretched out her arms, then intertwining her fingers to perch her head on, "It's what you said at Okinawa and I guess I see that now."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Saiki's lips. It was gone in a second as he closed his own book and looked across at Yona. Her eyes and lips were giving back an amused expression. She giggled at silent agreement even if Saiki didn't give much of a reaction. That one sided awkward tension melted away, a comfortable one settling in.

"I remember you saying you liked my company, but yet you've been avoiding me." Saiki brought up, raising a brow at the girl's sudden tugging on her uniform sweatshirt.

"You noticed?" Yona questioned.

"Only because you rush off with a frown in another direction when I'm around. It was that or because you had to go to bathroom that bad." Saiki shrugged. He was aware of her panicked thoughts and dismissed them at first, but eventually it got annoying.

"Or is it because he sent you?" Yona looked away. "I know you two aren't close friends, but you were there and he might've went to you afterwards, didn't he?" Yona glared, not wanting this to be a pity visit.

"He did, but I don't like drama. I came because I like reading. I could've sat somewhere else or left." Saiki stood up, "Again, I don't like drama and I'm certain you aren't either so I decided to stay since you were more likely to ignore me. That much I know about you. I'm here because I am, it has nothing to do with you."

It was true, Toritsuka had constantly approached him to get the psychic to help him win back Yona. Immediately, Saiki turned him down, not wanting to be involved in their messy friendship. Even if he did help, it wouldn't be right. Yona already had her own issues and Kusuo was no cruel person. It was the never ending stream of doubts, memories, and inner conflicts that made him go to the library. He's been aware of it all for the last couple of months.

It bothered him. Seeing her avoid him because of the perverted medium was almost an insult because it meant she grouped him with Toritsuka. Her problems weren't his and at the same time, they were. Her thoughts were the ones he heard over the other millions he heard daily. It was a reason he chose to stay behind. Besides, it wasn't like he had anything else planned besides playing a low budget game that just pissed him off.

"Oh, well I'm about to leave to that grocery store where the cookies are." She tugged on the sleeve of her shirt and for a second, Saiki was reminded of her doing the same to his. "You can come if you want."

"Okay." He nodded his head, eyes never leaving her fingers.

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