Anna's Reviews

5 ✿ The Whirlwind Girl 3 | BESTMIXVIDEO2021

BESTMIXVIDEO2021

note: this is the writer's first book, and my tone does not come from any hard feelings. i am merely stating mistakes and sometimes my opinion.

✿ first impression: title, cover and description (6/15)

i didn't like you took the same title of the tv show altho it's a good one. I'd have preferred if you used a new creative title. and what's that between the brackets? an alternative title? if it's meant to explain anything, it doesn't. it's needless. the point of every romance book is to solve complicated love.

i didn't like the cover. it was so far from wattpad-themed books. it looked messy with colours and MANY faces. try to reduce them. the concept in it is fine, but i think it's the execution that's bad.

the description was unnecessarily long. it didn't tell me enough about the story, it was kinda describing what's a rough love trip would be like? i needed more insight into the characters themselves.

the sentences in caps at the beginning were needless as well. writing in full caps in literature is discouraged anyway. you used the (&) instead of and sometimes and i didn't understand why as well.

✿ plot (10/20)

as the story is fanfiction and continues an existing tv series, i expected better and clearer execution since everything was already set.

diving into chapter 1 after reading the description, i couldn't understand the plot. the exposition stage was not clear about where it was getting. the only thing that picked my interest was when they started talking about someone who disappointed them with his behaviour.

✿ characters (5/20)

i dislike the way you introduced the characters. if you liked to show pictures of the cast, that's fine, but i felt as if you told away too much that it could spoil the story, so i didn't read all that you wrote about them. i wanted it to be the story's job to tell me how these characters are like, not a straightforward explanation about each of them.

diving into the story, they sounded very robotic. the conversations among them were boring like hi, hello, what's up, and that's all at first. there was no clear insight about them or their personalities. no characterisation.

✿ grammar (6/15)

□ punctuation marks stick to the word before them and a space comes after.

□ you overused ellipses (...) many times when it wasn't needed. learn to end your sentences with a simple period, or basically connect them with a comma. ellipses have separate use. besides, it's 3 periods, no more, no less.

□ numbers of two digits and less are written out as words in literature. you can use the numerical system with three digits and more.

□ you don't always enclose the quotation marks with the right punctuation mark.

→ When you use a speech tag (said and anything in the meaning of it: whisper, mutter...), you enclose with a comma and the word after the quotation isn't capitalised.

e.g. "She is lovely," she said.

OR: She said, "She is lovely."

→ When you use something other than that, aka dialogue beats (a description of the physical action a character makes while speaking), you enclose with a period and the next word is capitalised.