Assault With a Deadly Weapon || N.H / 1D

45.

Song recommendation: Wait by M83
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I'm cold.

I pulled up the heavy covers of the bed so they covered my bare shoulders. I felt warmer than before, but I wasn't comfortable. I needed to be close to someone.

"Niall," I said sloppily. "Nialler come here..."

I rolled over so that I could wiggle in close to him, but when I lifted my arm to wrap around him, it fell onto the mattress.

What?

I opened my eyes to the inky darkness of the bedroom. It was so familiar, yet so foreign. I'd slept more nights in this bed than I had anywhere else, but it didn't feel the same. It didn't feel like the excitement of going on a field trip the next day, or reading under a book light until ungodly hours of the night. It felt like I was missing something. I mean, I had always felt like I was missing something in my life, but this time around I knew what it felt like to be whole.

I felt around the bed, still not recognizing that I wasn't in New York. I wasn't at the McBride Mansion, and Niall wasn't there. Niall was across the country, still unsure if I was coming home. I was also unsure. I'd booked a plane ticket home for the morning, but I wasn't positive that it was the right idea. I didn't want to let him off the hook so easily, he'd been really terrible to me, but I guess this was just karma kicking me in the ass. I had done the exact same to him, but with no prior motivation. My reasoning for being so bitter was because I hated life. I was a pessimistic kid who thought that everything that I came in contact with would hurt me, that turned out to be very wrong. Now, it was getting thrown back in my face and I had to deal with it.

I realized that Niall wasn't there, and my heart sank. I rolled onto my back and let out a long breath. I'd spent so many nights staring at this exact ceiling. When I was a little kid I used to have those glow in the dark stars that you'd stick to the ceiling. I wished I still had those. Looking up at the stars always made me feel closer to Niall. His fascination with the universe was so interesting. If things turned out alright, I planned on asking him to take me to a planetarium. Maybe there was a way that we could get it to ourselves, and he could just narrate the entire show. I would listen to him for hours, talking about the worlds beyond our own.

I wanted to call him, but I knew that I shouldn't.

I checked my phone anyway. There were so many texts from him.

Niall: Hey, you hung up on me. I'm confused. Are you coming home?

Niall: Did your phone die? I hope you brought a charger with you.

I did Niall, don't worry.

Niall: I love you, you know that right? I don't think I say it enough. But I do. And I know that whatever shit I'm going through isn't an excuse to hurt you, but I've never done anything like this before. I've never been undercover, and It's especially hard to do it while I'm in love.

It was hard to be in love?

I felt obligated to reply.

Me: I guess it would be easier if I wasn't there then hey?

There was almost an immediate response.

Niall: That's not what I meant. It's 4:00 am. Go to sleep.

Well then what did he mean? Was it so hard to love me that it interfered with his work? What the hell was he even doing here? He wasn't doing any investigations. He was socializing, and golfing, and getting me to sleep with him. He wasn't working. He was living a life of luxury while I was forced to commit crimes that I could never imagine doing otherwise. It was times like this, when he said these things, that made me really want to cancel my flight.