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NOAH SANTIAGO CAN'T CRY. She doesn't know if it's a learned behavior or she's simply out of tears, but she can't manage it. Her heart physically aches, it's painful and she's even wondering if the stupid organ is actually failing. Her hands are stained a deep red, each and every crevice darkened by the blood of someone she used to consider a friend. It was under her nails, caked and dry, and it smelled like a freshly melted penny.
Why can't she cry? Why can't she show her pain? It hurts, and it's okay that it hurts. Despite what Finn had done, he was still someone in her life that leaves a dent. She's allowed to hurt about it— but why couldn't she cry?
The flap of the commander's tent swings open, the parental figure of Abby Griffin made her way into the tent without letting anyone stop her. Even Kane didn't try to get in her way, firsthand experience with the motherly instinct of the woman towards the Solo.
Abby slows her pace and approaches the brunette slowly, knowing the girls instincts will tell her to attack anyone that sees her vulnerable. Lowering slowly onto the cot beside the smaller woman, Abby softly laid a gentle hand on her suntanned back, trying not to startle her. "Sunny, baby," The nickname seems to wake her up. "Are you okay?"
Noah recoils away from the touch. "Where's Clarke?"
Abby notices the avoiding, she should've guessed that conversation would've derailed, but she simply had hoped Noah trusted her enough to admit that she's in deep pain. But Abby won't push Noah, there's genuinely no point. "She's with Finn."
Nodding softly, Noah began to rub her maroon tinted hands on her pants hastily. "I had to do it. I had to. Clarke couldn't, no one should have to do that." Her voice was rushed and begging to be believed. "You know I — I had to do it."
Noah needed Abby to know. She needed someone to know.
And Abby wouldn't allow the girl to pull away anymore, no one was strong enough to be alone after going through something as harrowing as that. So the mother wraps Noah in a tight hug, not a care in the world if Noah returns it or not, she just hugs as hard as she can and try to force Noah to believe that Abby understands. Abby understands more than anyone that sometimes it takes the strongest wills to make the hardest decisions.
That the strongest soldiers break, and it was okay.
But she's out of time to break, and she must hold it together for one more insufferable conversation. She's never had political interest, nor did she particularly care what happened to anyone outside of her tight knit circle. Or—she likes to think she doesn't, maybe she does.
