Notice Me

8

I had forgotten that today was the day.

I knew I was missing something the moment I woke up, my head was a little foggy from coming home so late. I left shortly after I watched Carter support a stumbling Seren to the car, suddenly not finding a reason to remain at the party.

I didn't know what I was missing though, until my phone pinged with a message from the group chat. The one that O, Gavin and I had, the one that still had Henry's number attached to it.

I felt my stomach lurch as I looked down at the text, the anger inside me bubbling.

We're leaving town at around 6, so we can make it there for the sunset. Cass is bringing some food and drinks, and she said she will drive us home.

Fuck. It's been six months. Officially, half a year since Henry left us. Since he chose to go somewhere we couldn't follow. Since he decided we weren't worth living for. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing until the ping of another text filled the air. I let out a breath as I opened my eyes and looked at it.

Zane, you sure you don't want to come? It won't be the same unless we're all together.

I shook my head, biting down on my teeth, feeling the way the muscles in my jaw tensed. Not only were they torturing themselves going there, remembering him and remembering the times we had with him, they were intent on torturing me too.

I stood up from my bed, the feelings that were inside me buzzing through my skin like electricity. I couldn't just sit here today. I couldn't just be here alone. I couldn't, because then I would think about what happened. I pulled on some clothes, I debated even taking my phone with me. I decided I would, but I put it on silent, not wanting to read anything else my friends sent me.

I walked through my empty house, knowing without checking that my parents would be working. Even on a Saturday morning, they had places to be. I was about to walk to the door, but something in me made me turn around. I needed something. I've been good, haven't I? I deserve to not be good. Even if it's just for one night. I needed something to make me forget. Because if I didn't, all I would do is remember.

I walked over to my parents liquor cabinet, grabbing the first full bottle I saw. Bacardi, wasn't my favourite, but it would have to do.

I didn't know where I was going as I got into my car. I had no destination in my mind as I began to drive. I simply turned my music on, blasting it as loud as the speakers would allow. I put on a random playlist, not caring what the songs were. I listened to the first few for a couple of seconds, before pressing skip on each of them.

But the next one, I felt it in my bones as soon as music began to fill the car. I could hear the emotion in the singers voice, the desperation that filled it. I listened to the lyrics, relating to them. But it wasn't until I heard one of the lines, that I knew I would be listening to this song in its entirety.

"Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling, I'm calling at night. I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams."

For some reason, my mind flashed to Seren. It was fitting after all, for the month that I've known her, she's been in my head. She's been in my dreams. She was literally the girl of my dreams.

"Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff. Who could deny, these butterflies? They're filling his gut."

It was perfect, wasn't it? I had butterflies around her, but she would never know. She'd never feel those butterflies, because she didn't care. About me, or seemingly anyone else.