I didn't take my meds today.
Two days ago Caitlin Adams asked if I was bipolar because I was into her on Monday but by Friday I had figured out that she was too demanding.
But those words, that question... it seeped into my soul and tarnished my tho...
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"Hey how are you doing? I haven't spoke to you since - you know." I sat myself down next to Cam on the school bus, his complexion had paled and he had broken out into a sweat.
"I'm about to walk into school. Jamie knows. Arlo and Lexi probably know by now too. The whole school is going to know and honestly Fearne, I'm not okay with that fact."
"That's okay." I grabbed his hand and interlocked our fingers. "We'll walk in together."
And that's exactly what we did and nobody gave us a second look because without wealth, to Lakeland Academy we were invisible.
"I don't understand." Cameron said. "I was so sure Jamie would go laughing about it to the whole soccer team."
"I don't think Jamie is as heartless as we once thought." Cameron smiled to himself and detached our hands. "I gotta get to biology, you gonna be okay?" Cam nodded.
"Give me a pen Fearne." I stared at Jamie in a toxic way and he wiggled his fingers at me waiting.
"Hey freak, I need to borrow a pen too!" The guy behind me called out, Jamie pivoted in his chair immediately.
"Who the fuck are you calling a freak?" The guy sat back in his chair looking a little intimidated, even with his brutish features.
"You badmouth her all the time." Jamie reached over and grabbed him by the scruff of his school shirt and held his fist ready to punch.
"She's my foster sister. Nobody badmouths her but me. Apologise." Jamie spat out with red hot anger burning in his face.
"Woah, I'm sorry dude." The guy whimpered.
"Not to me dumbass, to her." The guy looked at me with panic stricken, snake-like eyes.
"I'm sorry Fearne." Jamie released the hold on his collar and turned back to face the right away. I stared at him quietly and he smirked at me, but not in a sexy way like Arlo. More in a cheeky way.
"Give me a pen, freak." He grabbed my pencil case and took one of the pens out.
I was thankful that the teacher turned off the lights and put on an educational documentary about the life cycle of fungi. Not because I was thoroughly interested in the science of bacteria but more because I was exhausted.
I wished I could cosy down in Arlos big hoodie like I have been every night but I certainly wasn't ballsy enough to wear it to school.
My mind was constantly battling between what I was taught to be right and what felt right. I was tired of it, I just want to live my life without fear of consequences. I rested my head on my forearms and breathed in and out deeply, closing my eyes.
"So Arlo and I hooked up again late last night." Hattie whispered to Jade.
I sat upright and glared at them from across the classroom. I wanted to scream until my lungs exploded all over them, coating them in goo and other disgusting shit from my insides.
Arlo hooked up with a girl, I couldn't be mad at that. I told him I wasn't interested, he moved on. But then we kissed again which confused the message.
"Front door, back door, over the kitchen counter type deal." She continued. "I could barely walk, that's how you know it was good." Jade giggled like an idiot and I curled my lip up at them in disgust.
"Do you think he will ask you out?" She asked with interest. Hattie shrugged one half of her body, trying to act like she didn't care but anyone could see by the look on her face she desperately hoped for him to ask her out.
"It was a late night booty call but we're gonna see how things go, I'm hoping things will progress more between us emotionally during the retreat because right now it's just physical not that I'm complaining, he's perfection and my God does he -"
"Nobody cares! Nobody fucking cares!" All eyes turned to me and I clamped my mouth shut. I just said that out loud. No. I just screamed it out loud, right across a quiet classroom.
Jamie spluttered a laugh beneath his hand but everyone else remained silent, just staring at me. "About fungus." I clarified, trying to dig myself out of a hole. "The... um... video." I pointed at the television screen and swallowed.
"Fearne Rosenburg, I think you need to dismiss yourself from my classroom, go take a walk and come back when you've cooled down." I took a deep breath and stood up.
"Freak." Jade whispered as I walked past her table.
I went to the bathroom and splashed cool water on my face, then I stood staring at myself in the mirror.
Anger looked different on me, I was used to seeing empty sadness reflected back. I couldn't understand this tense, frustrated feeling inside and I hated being jealous. What the fuck was happening to me?
I left and walked down the empty corridors, listening to my black Mary Janes squeak against the glossy floor. Truthfully I didn't want to go back to Biology, I couldn't face hearing them talk about him again so I stalled, purposely walking slower.
When I got to the administration offices I noticed Arlo sitting outside the principals office, he had his hood up and his head hung low.
"Arlo?" I approached him timidly. He didn't raise his head.
"I'm not doing too good right now Fearne, please just leave me alone." His voice was cracked and unusual.
"Fearne, back to class." The administration secretary ordered. I gave her a nod and walked away but then I heard Principal Moore's door open so I turned around. My brows furrowed as I watched Jordan talk to the principal.
"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you sir, I honestly have the utmost respect for you and the position that you hold here at Lakeland. You do a fine job in your roll but lets be real, you are a fucking asshole."
My mouth fell to the ground and Arlo face palmed himself. Principal Moore didn't know what to say and I could see by the look on his face he felt even more awkward knowing there were students starting to gather around, listening.
"Dad, it doesn't matter. Let's just go." Arlo pleaded.
"Mr Peers, If you're not going to cooperate in a civilised manner then I'm going to have to ask security to remove you from the building." Principal Moore remained the professional in the heated situation.
"Alright, I'm leaving." Jordan replied, holding his hands out to show he meant no harm. "But I know our rights and you're acting in a discriminatory way so it is my friendly suggestion for you to revise your rejection on Arlos attendance to the stupid little retreat."
"Dad, oh my god people are watching, can we just leave?" Arlo pleaded, looking around at all of the students from different grades just staring at them.
He pulled on Jordan's arm to try and get him to move but he wouldn't budge.
"I'm sorry Mr Peers, it's just not possible. We've done an extensive risk assessment and-"
"And I'll be on my sofa, pants off, feet up, beer in my hand feeling abso-fucking-lutely chilled knowing that tomorrow morning you'll have a whole bunch of lawyers crawling up the hairs on your ass. Unless of course by seven o'clock this evening you've given me a call with a sudden change of heart."
"Mr Peers -"
"Don't call me after seven the game is on."
"The game starts at six." Arlo clarified.
"Six. Don't call after six or I'll sue you anyway just because I think you're an epic douchebag. Lets go Arlo." They walked down the corridor towards me and I held my breath. "Oh hey Fearne." Jordan greeted as he past by me.
"Hey." I muttered pathetically.
They carried on walking towards the exit but Arlo turned back to look at me as he walked, it was only for the shortest time but those few moments of locked eye contact were the most saddest, heart-wrenching moments I've seen in Arlo yet.
