Downgrading Miss CEO

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?" Julian asked me as we lay in his bed, I was wrapped up in his arms. "Did my sister say something stupid? Because she tends to do that a lot." He pressed a kiss on my forehead as if he was trying to show that there was not a single reason why I should doubt whatever was going on between the two of us. But why did it feel that there were reasons to doubt? I have a sister, I am a sister. I would never bring up any concerns about my sibling if I didn't genuinely have them. So, why did Hannah have these concerns?

I turned around in his arms to face him. "Your sister didn't say anything stupid. She just said something that made me think of some things."

"Lucy, what did Hannah tell you?"

"Let's just not do this right now, okay? I want to think about what I think of what she said first. To be honest, I wish she hadn't said a thing to you about it."

"Why are you pushing me away?" There was hurt visible in his eyes and voice. It sounded a bit less controlled and a bit rawer than his usual voice.

"Pushing you away? What are you talking about? I'm right here. Heck, if I were any closer to you we'd be having sex."

"I don't mean physically. But you're pulling away emotionally. If we want this to work between us, we need to talk about the things that play on our minds. Distancing ourselves emotionally isn't going to do us any good. And neither of us would have to guess what is going on in the other's mind."

I lay my hand on the side of his face, caressing his jaw. "Listen, I promise to tell you what's going on in my mind when figured it out myself. But you need to give me this time to process." I said. "Because talking about this when I'm not sure how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking, isn't going to do us any good either."

I could see in his eyes that he was thinking about this. That he was weighing the pros and cons of giving me the time I'm asking for.

"Do you promise that you're not going to run?"

"I promise." Which I really did. I didn't want to run away when it got hard. I haven't done it in the past, and I won't do it now.

"Okay, tell me. What do you need? What can I do?"

I pressed a kiss to his lips. This was one of the things I loved about him. I loved how he could be strong for me when I couldn't.

"Let me get dressed, kiss me goodbye, and let me go to work. And then, have dinner with me tonight? I promise we'll talk about this then. Because the last thing I want to do is to push you away or to pull away from you."

I searched his face for any sign that would tell me how he was feeling about this. Any sign of him going to fight me on this. But, like usual, I wasn't able to read him like I would've wanted to. I wanted to be able to know what he thought without him having to say it. I wish we were able to have conversations with only our eyes. It would've made things a lot easier. That's for sure.

"Fine. I'll see you tonight. Want me to cook you something? I remember my last try was interrupted by a hospital visit." A smile started to show on his face. At least he wasn't angry about this all. That's a relief.

-

The moment I stepped into the building, I wave of calm washed over me. Work is certainly not my happy place. However, it is the one place where I know where I stand, know what I need to do, and know how to feel and act. Work is a place where there is no time or space to doubt anything. It's the place where I make choices and am certain that the choices made are the right ones. And if the choice wasn't the right one, there was a way to fix it. Whether that is fixing the thing that went wrong or decide on a whole other solution entirely. Unfortunately, I wasn't that confident when it came to my love life. You can replace an investor, but I can't replace my heart.