Bullet ✔️

Chapter 19

The next weekend I had a wedding on the other end of the city, and Elina offered to let me sleep over at hers after, so we could have a girls night with wine and crackers. Though I was pretty sure she mostly wanted to know how my date with William had gone.

Which hadn't been great. He was great, as always, but I wasn't. I ended up spilling out that I didn't know what to do or who to like, and that I felt bad for spending time with him when I wasn't sure. The bastard shushed me, hugged me and said it was completely okay. How could he be so nice to me when I was being a jerk to him?!

And when I told Elina, she said, "I'm starting to root for team William here."

"I don't know what to do!" I practically yelled it out in front of the lit fireplace, before gulping down a whole glass of a sweet red wine.

She topped me off, giggling in her own tipsy state, before shrugging. "What about you go on a date with Damian. One date," she suggested.

"Like that would solve all my problems," I muttered, half-angry at her.

"It could! Think about it," she pushed, picking up a cracker, holding it up in front of me. "This is William, right? You like him, you've been on dates with him, but you're not sure. And this—"she held up another cracker with a piece of brie on it—"this is Damian. You've kissed him, you like him, but you haven't been on a date with him. One date, and you'll know who you like more. It's simple."

I took the cracker with brie from her hand, staring at it. "It's not that simple, Elina. Damian is dangerous in more ways than he might break my heart."

"A broken heart isn't so bad, give it time, and—"

"I've had a broken heart for years," I cut in, setting the cracker down on the plate again. "My first serious boyfriend, Charlie, he...ruined me. At least it feels like he did."

She bit into her William-cracker and looked at me, not saying anything—which was new for her—so I went on, "He asked me to move in with him after three years. I was twenty, had just launched my freelance company, and felt like it was perfect. I was in love, hopelessly, and, well, while we were moving my stuff into his place I found out that he'd been seeing this other girl for a year and a half."

"What a dick!" Elina exclaimed, before putting her hand to her mouth. "Sorry. Go on."

I couldn't hold my chuckle at her explosive reaction. "I ended up breaking up with him, and I lived with my mom and dad for a while, while I was closing on my apartment. Charlie moved in with the other girl instead, even though he said I was the one and he only dated the other girl to confirm it, like that was supposed to be a compliment. And, a couple months later, my mom passed in her sleep. We found out later that she had a heart condition. So, I've been broken-hearted ever since."

Elina leaned over our plate of crackers and hugged me.

"I can't imagine how that must've been for you." Her voice was quiet, and I was glad she never said the was sorry for my loss, or that I deserved better than Charlie. At the time, he was what I deserved. He was good and kind, and he loved me, even if he also loved another girl. And my mom...well, she was wonderful and loving and I was crushed, but dad and I got by with each other by telling ourselves she would've wanted us to keep going.

"It's okay," I said, not really sure why I was pouring my heart out to her. But it felt really good.

"I, thankfully, still have my dad despite his job, but I'm afraid for him every day. And now I'm afraid for James as well, with him being Damian's left hand, practically, so...I understand that you're hesitant to jump into this thing, whatever it is, with him." She still held me tight, and then she sniffled and pulled back. "God, I need more wine!"