49. Chase

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Sky.

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Harry: So when are we going to meet your bf fr? It's been long enough.

Sky: for the millionth time hes not my bf. im not even sure he wants to be

Harry: Other than that he literally told you he does

Sky: He doesn't know what hes  getting himself into

Heather: I f  u  k e e p  t e l l i n g  y o u r s e l f  t h a t  u l l  n e v e r  k n o w

Harry: Exaclty. DATE HIM. DEVOUR HIM.

Sky: no.

Harry: If you don't date him, I will. He's fk hottt

Heather: H e  i s .

Sky: you guys are gross. bye-

I turn off my phone. It's really funny how I became so close with the people I judged do hard just a few months ago. When I decided to stop being a terrible person and help Loren as best as I can with our baby I realized I needed a job. Not for the baby, since Loren's parents insisted on covering all the costs that came with that. I needed money to pay off Steven and to feel a little less useless too. So I asked Harold if he could help me get a job and now I work at Long-Cupz and we're basically best friends. Heather's my other best friend. She's such a sweetheart. But she's kind of a human paradox. At first glance she looks kinda scary because of the whole goth thing, but then you hear her speak and she's this really innocent baby-like person and then you get to know her and realize she's also super chatty and REALLY opinionated and fierce about that. I don't know, it's funny how people can be made up of multiple personalities sometimes.

Loren's mom completely freaked out when Loren told her she was pregnant. Steven, not so much. He only got mad when he heard I was the father. He wasn't really mad.. he was more disappointed in... me. Which was much worse. Chase got really quiet and left. We haven't talked about it after that. He just acts normal so.. that's good, I guess. 

Therapy's going really well. I feel so different. So much lighter than I did before. The EMDR really helped with that. Now I'm still going to therapy with Jennifer and we're focusing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is just to help me think less doom-ish, I guess. 

I'm really happy almost all the time now, and that's because of the love of my life, my daughter, Rosalie. I never thought another person could make me so happy. It doesn't really matter what she's doing, as long she's happy, so am I. It's a really special feeling. 

Then there is, of course, the other love of my life. Aron. My heart beats faster just from thinking about him. When I first saw him in Long-Cupz I almost had a heart attack. Then I remembered some exercises I learned from Jennifer and calmed down a bit. 

We've been taking it slow. Kind of. I have some impulse control issues when it comes to him. Now that I'm able to have sex sans panic attack I may or may not have gone a little crazy. He's so fucking good in bed, it's maddening. Of course I can't stop. But still, for his sake I'm trying to keep it cool so we can be a functioning couple. I would love that. 

I'm on my way out of school when Chase walks up to me. 

"Hey Chase." I smile. 

"Hey." He smiles sheepishly. He looks really nervous. 

"What's up?" I ask. 

"N-nothing. I just.." He takes a deep breath. 

I wait for him to say whatever the big deal is. 

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