Until My Heartbeat Stops

Just an excuse

There both get home at around 12:30. They couldn't drive together because they both took their own cars. Dixie wasn't really getting ready, like she should have been doing, she just didn't know if this was what she wanted.

"Hey you ready." Noah asked as he walked into the room in a rush. He was excited about this, too excited.

"I- Noah can we talk."

"What-cant it wait okay we have to get going."

"What is your obsession with this appointment anyway. We signed up for it months ago. Things have changed."

"Dixie can we please do this in the car."

"No- we can't- just sit down."

Noah huffed but listened. Deep down he didn't want to go either. He just didn't want to think about the thoughts in his head right now. He was using it as an distraction.

"Noah I-"

"Okay okay, yes you caught me I was using it as an excuse to not talk about Nate."

"Oh-"

"Everytime i think about him I have this urge to cry. I don't want to cry so I had to find something else to think about and I say the appointment in my calendar for today and thought it was work. It didn't obviously but I don't know I just- it's hard right now. Thinking about him. When does it go away? This feeling of pure loneliness, when you feel like your betraying them by being happy."

"It doesn't. I hate to say that under such circumstances but you can't not mourn or grieve. Truthfully you never stop. This is a lifelong process. Learning to live without people we love. It's a hard process and I know that, and I know you know that. One day I promise you'll be able to think about him and the happy memories you two shared. You'll be able to laugh about the things he did without breaking down into tears. It takes time, but you'll get through it. I believe in you."

Noah looked down at his feet. Contemplating what to say next, how to not cry.

"Well.." he says nonchalantly.

"Guess were not going to that appointment."

Dixie smiles knowingly. "We can reschedule." She says with a laugh.