With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.15

| Eleanor |

After sniffing horribly on his bare chest, I didn't feel him ushering me in. I kept saying a pathetic sorry in his chest while he steered me in.

Rubbing my shoulder up and down.

Trying to soothe me.

And it only made me feel worse. The guy had always been a gentleman and I. . .I had been nothing but the wicked witch of the west.

The click of the door made me stop.

I kinda looked up , my hands on his biceps . .he didn't let me go. Apologies forgotten, I glanced around at the spacious apartment. White and black were merged together in sleek patterns. I couldn't find any other color. The floor checkered, the LCD screen paused on a soccer match. A cozy lounge that led up to two shut doors and-

"Easy now." He said in my ear, startling me.

I whipped my neck at him and nearly kissed him.

"Woah!" He backed off , smiling down at my red face.

"Sorry." I muttered , tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.

Gee Eleanor! Stop being so squeamish!

It was him who let me go first, his hand slipped down and his fingers curled around my wrist as he led a gawking me behind.

"Its not much but I call it home." He said , moving towards the comfy leather couch.

First, he made me sit and then occupied the space beside me.

"You kidding me, bruh? I would die for a place like this and also you're rich, mister." I pointed my index finger at him in accusation.

He cocked a brow.

His fingers sliding in mine unintentionally spiked up my heart rate.

"Define rich."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back against the couch, turning my face towards him.

"Rich as in I can buy anything I want! Twice!"

His lips went up like he found me cute or amusing. .or just plain stupid?

"Might sound corny but family makes you rich. Money don't. It never will. It doesn't possess that kind of power." His voice turned sombre and I had a feeling I was missing the bigger picture here.

This guy has always been a mystery and I had to know it!

"What's your secret ,Ryan?" I asked out loud and being straight to the point.

I hated beating around the bush.

Ryan kept staring at me. . contemplating perhaps?

"A secret for a secret , Eleanor."

I turned my eyes into slits. Not at all liking the deal. I wasn't going to spill my secret but-

I wanted to know his goddamit!

I couldn't resist.

"Fine."

I looked away, grumpy.

And trying to tug my hand from his grip but he didn't let go.

And I loved it.

"Ask away." If he wanted to know my secret I wouldn't look him in the eye.

He sighed softly.

"Tell me anything you want to. No pressure." He stated and I was forced to look at him.

Like he was joking.

But he wasn't. .

Those blue eyes were watching me intently . . waiting. Him being patient and . .just there made me feel something. I don't know what it was. .

When no one has ever been there to listen to you and now there was a person who was all ears. . . staring at me like he would trust everything I say. .the words tumbled out before I could blink.

"My mom don't get me." I dared his eyes to show sympathy but he didn't.

His face was impassive.

Looking away, I pretended we were at a place far far away. No one could hear our secrets but us. No one could bear them but us. .

"I know she's my mother and all. .I love her . I can give my life for her . It's just that. .she has never gotten me. Never understood me. . the person I'm. For her I'm a little too brash. .a little too tomboy. .a little too. .more . She doesn't know how to handle more, Ryan."

I was so glad he was holding my hand now.

"I try to be a good daughter, you know. I try to be what she wants me to be . .and still. .I feel like all my life it has been about survival under her." I glanced at Ryan. "Do kids like me exist? Is it okay to say out loud I don't want to go back to her house?"

A deep black hole had opened up in my heart , a hole so shallow and dark. .it could swallow me whole.

I watched as he leaned in.

The tip of his nose almost touching mine. His warm breath fanning across my face.

"Everyone carries a weight others don't understand. Everyone has a different size shoe to fit in. No one else can be in your shoes and I'm here to tell you. . congratulations, Queen Eleanor. You made it." He bumped his nose with mine, making me smile like a silly child.

Secretly thanking God for him.

"What about you, old man?" I breathed out, loving his scent. I was so engrossed in my thoughts, his shirtless attire had no impact on me.

Ryan backed up slightly.

Now he was the one trying to make me let go of his hand but I held it in a death grip.

"Earth to Ryan." I said loudly, catching his attention.

"Can words break you, Eleanor?" He asked softly.

"They either make you or break you." I shrugged.

He nodded stiffly.

"Well?"

His eyes were downcast, his lashes kinda hiding his eyes.

"I fell into depression when I was 11 years old."

"What? How can that be?! You were a kid-"

And then I backtracked.

"What exactly made you fall into that?" I asked slowly, not knowing if I could handle his answer or not.

"My brother. I. .his words broke me. He's no more but his words are very much alive. Right here." He pointed at his heart. "Being ridiculed, being jeered at . .it breaks up a kid. I thought I would never survive his verbal assaults but in a sick twisted way, I did. Survived and. . " He trailed off.

"And what?"

"Which is the most destructive feeling of them all?" He asked me point blank.

"Love I guess?"

He shook his head.

"Regret , Eleanor. It eats you alive."

××××××××××××××××