Chasing the Forbidden (SERIE FEROCI 3)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Xanthos Archante

"Xanthos..."

I looked at Kiara. She's currently caressing Xiana's hair who's peacefully sleeping beside Xevan. The three of them together is a sight to behold. I can stare at them forever, I won't get tired of this wonderful sight in front of me.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Bubukod na 'ko ulit. Napag-usapan naman natin na titira lang ako rito para sabay nating maalagaan ang kambal habang maliit pa sila, diba? Tatlong taon na sila, pwede na 'kong bumukod. Ituloy natin ang naging usapan natin noon na halinhinan tayong mag-aalaga sa mga bata... Okay lang ba 'yon, Xanthos?"

Usapan namin... hindi ko maalala na pumayag ako sa usapang sinasabi n'ya.

I just stared at her and remained silent for a moment. I stared at her eyes and tried to read what she's thinking right now. She seems determinated to leave... and even if I say that I don't want her to go I know she'll still leave. The look in her eyes is way different from before. She doesn't want to be here... she doesn't want to be with me anymore.

I don't want to force her to be with me. I don't want to imprison her with someone like me. I didn't pursue her all these years because I know I'm fatal for her... someone like me is dangerous for her. She's too good for me. I should even be thankful that someone like her is the mother of my children... wanting to be with her is too much to ask for.

I don't deserve it and she doesn't deserve it too. She deserves someone who can give her comfort, someone who won't hurt her.

"Sure, if that's what you want," I just said and avoided her gaze.

I've done many wrong things in my life. I know it's out of character but I want to repent from all of it. I should suffer from all the things I did to Kiara. She seems alright now, I don't want to stir her feelings again. I want her to be alright without me, I know she already did it anyway... She's a strong woman.

"What the fuck are you doing, Xanthos?! Putangina, nanggigigil ako sa 'yo, pare. Bakit hindi mo pinigilang umalis si Kiara? At anong meron sa pagsasalit-salitan n'yo sa pag-aalaga sa kambal?! Ano ba 'yan, Xanthos? Akala ko pa naman inaayos mo na ang buhay mo," naiinis na sabi ni Cadence at napahampas pa sa table ko.

"She looked decided, Cad. She really wanted to leave. Why would I stop her if that's what she wants?" I just said and continued typing on my laptop.

"Bahala ka na nga! Sana pagsisishan mo 'yan! Tinataga ko sa pinakamatigas na bato sa buong universe na pagsisisihan mo 'yan. Gago ka," naiinis na sabi pa n'ya.

I looked at him and smiled lightly. "That's what I want to happen, Cad."

Natigilan si Cad sa sinabi ko. His expression softened. He sighed and slumped on the swivel chair. He shoved his hair with his fingers and let out a heavy sigh.

"Kailan mo ba titigilan ang pagpapahirap sa sarili mo, Xanthos? Please, stop tormenting yourself. Oo, hindi tayo santo... masasama tayong tao. Pero sa lahat ng masamang tao... ikaw, deserve mong sumaya, pare. Noon ka pa nahihirapan sa lahat, hindi ba pwedeng sumaya ka naman? Si Kiara ang kailangan mo para sumaya, Xanthos. 'Yung trauma, takot, pag-aalinlangan... mawawala lahat 'yon dahil kay Kiara."

I sighed and removed my eyeglasses. I looked at him and smiled bitterly. "I know, Cad. Kiara can make me happy. She's like my cure, cure from everything that tormenting me for years. She can heal my trauma, my fear, my doubt... everything. But I don't want to use her. She's not obligated to heal me or make me happy... No one is obligated to do that, I should do it myself... Yes, I had a painful and traumatic past but that won't justify everything that I did to her. I need to suffer like this. Actually, I deserve to suffer more than this."