From The Start (1st Draft)

Chapter 20

For the next few hours I stayed in my bedroom, sitting on a chair while looking out the window in confusion. I had so much on my mind. I felt hopeless, but yet I had so much faith. I couldn't believe everything that was happening, and I was wondering how I would get through all of this without falling apart. I couldn't believe how stupid I was, realizing that all this time the signs were so obvious.

Alexander didn't come to school because he didn't feel well, and he wasn't sick with the stomach flu. Darlene must have stayed home with him, making sure Stephanie would watch me carefully, not letting me know about anything. They didn't want anyone to find out.

The first day I hung out with him outside of school when he picked me up was the most noticeable. He read my palm, telling me how I was going to live a long and happy life, and then when I reached for his he wouldn't let me look at his hand.

That day on the boat, sitting in the middle of the lake with him, he brought up the conversation about death. I just sat there like a complete idiot and he told me his divine beliefs while I was nothing but clueless. There were so many other times where I should have been smarter, and I should have read into it a little more. I couldn't believe this was happening to me, when I finally thought my life was starting to get better, it turns out it was just going to get harder. Truth was, my life was just getting more difficult by each day that passed. My best friend, the boy I liked so much, was fighting against a disease. Alexander was sick, very sick. Alex was dying..

I stayed up on the laptop for several hours that night, after standing lifelessly in the hot shower for over an hour and a half. I typed in cancer and searched it on Google, reading so many things that made my eyes water. When I typed in Leukemia, and got specific, that's when my heart really beat out of control. It was a blood cancer, having to do with bone marrow and blood cells, or something like that. Honestly I would barely even let myself read more then a few sentences at once about it.

I went to bed at around nine o'clock, and dreamed of him. In my dream, he came out of the dark corner, and he told me he was sorry. He also told me he was sorry for dying, but he didn't die yet. I knew I wasn't going to let anything like that happen to him. I woke up early and put on jean shorts, and a comfortable sweatshirt. My mother drove me to school while Jake got a ride by a few of his friends.

I gave her a huge hug and then I got out of the car, shutting the door and walking towards the school, really confused and terrified. I was a little hopeless, I guess you could say. I hoped Alexander wouldn't ditch coming to school today, because I wanted so badly to see him. I wanted him to know I was never going to leave him alone. Because the truth was, he wasn't alone at all. I was going to go through this whole thing with him, no matter how hard and painful it might become.

I walked slowly up the flight of stairs, and continued going at that pace as I walked down the crowded hallways. Then there he was, standing at my locker, while everyone passed by him quietly.

When I stood in front of him I couldn't help but smile. "Hey," I said.

"Hey," he grinned.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"That's good," I said quietly.

"How are you?"

"I'm alright. I've just been thinking a lot," I mumbled. "I should just relax, but I can't."