𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭

𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭

My shaky hands have been holding onto the envelope for half an hour since it arrived in the mail but I can't get myself to open it.

It has been laying on my desk for a week and I'm the only one who didn't open hers.
The material of the envelope lays heavy in my hands. I recognized the writing the second I saw it and I repeatedly need to stroke my thumb over the swing of the A in my name.

Turns out my mom wrote exactly five letters to every family member and made them arrive at home a week after her funeral.
Don't ask me who send them or how she did it because I don't know myself.

What I know is that I'm not going to be able to read this ever.
Not on my own that's why I send a quick message to Lucy to meet me at the park.

I grab my keys, bag and a jacket but stop at my door when my eyes fly over to the other envelope laying on my desk.

Timothée gave it to me a week ago and I couldn't bring it over me to read it.
It felt like saying goodbye and as stupid as it sounds I don't want to do that.
Even though I know a goodbye is long over due I don't want to face it.

Nonetheless I quickly grab the envelope and push it into the deep ends of my bag hoping that it will disappear on the way to meet up with Lucy.

Twenty minutes later I find myself on a bench with Lucy facing me still no idea what's going on.

"I..I know this could be me asking too much but no ones home and I need this to get over with or else it's going to be stuck in my head for weeks and I would do everything to just get a good nights sleep these last days-"

"-hey it's me Arwen." Lucy stops me putting her hand on my arm and I look at her swallowing.

"I know." I breathe out and close my eyes for a second.

"Whatever it is you need me to do just tell me. You know I'd never judge you."

"Okay." I say and pull out my moms envelope putting it in her hands.

Her eyes wander over my name and they widen a bit when she realizes what this is.

"Okay." She says immediately understanding the task and I sigh relieved that I have a best friend that understands me this much.

She carefully rips the envelope open revealing the letter my mom wrote.

I hug my knees to my chest and turn towards her while I try to not break out into tears before she even read it.

"My little sweet Arwen,
I'm writing this letter for you while you're laying in my lap fast asleep.

I knew this time was going to come just like everyone else did but it is way harder for you than for me. I did everything in life I wanted to.

I married my soulmate and had four wonderful children who love me just as much as I love them. So please don't ever feel sorry or regret anything for me because I got the best life I wanted.

But you, you have so much time still and I never wanted you to think that you would have to have the same life I did.

I always tried to encourage you to do the things you love and even if it seems hard and impossible sometimes-to never give up.

Life has so much to offer to you so the last thing I wish from you is that you do what you love. Don't waste your time with going to college and having kids if that's not what you want.

You can be and do whatever you want because life is just too short to waste the chance.

I know you understand me, you were one of the little people that could and it's a blessing to have a different views than others.

Please remember that even though I'm not going to be with you forever I'm always going to be with you.

I could not be much prouder of you than I already am. Don't give yourself and the people around you up.

Remember a loud soul always lives within a quiet person. I think that's what you always deserved."

Lucy furrows her brows at the last words while my heart suddenly gets a jabbing pain.

"What does she mean with that?" Lucy asks and I look at her shrugging my shoulders.

"I have no clue." I say quietly.

I don't know why I feel the need to lie but now I won't open Timmy's letter not in a life time.
It's going to hurt much more now that my mom practically said that she thinks Timothée and I should be together.

"Are you alright?" She asks and I nod but nonetheless let her pull me in for a side hug.

I lay my head on her shoulder while I press the letter to my chest afraid if I let go it's just going to crumble into nothingness.

"I just think it isn't fair. I know she said she did everything she wanted to but I still need her."

"I know you do. But you're not alone okay? You don't ever have to feel alone." Lucy says and I feel her kiss the top of my head making me hug her close while I still think about what my mom wrote and if I can bring it over me to read his letter.

Even if it hurts it's a chapter I have to eventually leave behind.