With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.17

| Eleanor |

I had accepted one truth right away.

Ryan wasn't just a Ryan.

He was the Ryan Harrison I had been oblivious to. It took me some time to realize he had a frickin' building, a mall and so on.

And I, Eleanore Paige, had been dim witted to acknowledge the glaring truth. It wasn't my fault. I was the sort of a person who took time alright? Brad Pitt could pass by me and it would take one hour for me to register that.

People like me existed.

The second sun peeked out , I had hightailed from his place like my tail caught fire.

It wasn't my tail per se.

It was my heart.

I knew if I didn't get out , I would combust. Lit up the whole place with fire or emotions or . .I don't know. All I knew was. .I kind of wanted to stick around him.

Spread my tentacles around him.

And never let him go.

Ugh!

My thoughts didn't make sense . All of these jumbled up emotions were scaring me. And it forced me to insult him now and then.

Using a reverse psychology hack, if I insulted him enough then I wouldn't feel so. .dazzled around him.

Ryan. .he dazzles me with his smiles and charm. .the ocean in his eyes. .the tug of his lips. .the sadness in his soul. .he was too much and I wanted all that much.

Last night, he had been a gentleman enough to let me sleep on his bed while he occupied the couch. And yes, being a borderline curios person, I sneaked around his stuff . .but couldn't find much.

Now that I was in my dingy apartment with a cup of coffee in my hand, I reflected on what we shared.

Let out.

I . . I had never told anyone about my unusual relationship with my mother. Hell, I hadn't even accepted the fact to myself let alone a person. Maybe I liked being in denial of the fact that I could never be the daughter my mom wanted. She was dainty, feminine. .poised while I? I was just. .me.

Rough on the outer edges.

There will always be a glass wall between us. I could see her on the other side but I couldn't touch her or get to her and it was heartbreaking but now. .now that I was an adult, it didn't hurt much.

Everyone carries  a weight the others don't understand.

I smirked at his voice.

And then frowned at his submission. No wonder he had such sad eyes because he had gone through something dark as depression which I had never went through.

Sitting up straight, I couldn't help but think of how he didn't give me all of his secret. He gave me a crumb of it.

Not the whole cookie.

And I didn't prode him further.

Maybe another time when we are trading secrets.

Ryan always made me feel like I knew him but the fact was, I didn't know him. At all. He was successful at manipulating people around him into thinking what he wanted to.

Was him manipulating a bad thing?

I sighed leaning back.

All the heavy duty questions floating in my head . . .