Sixty-Three: A Smissmas Shanty

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        "Witch," Engie rumbles, and I bump his arm.

"That's not very nice."

"No, like," he points to them. "Their class name is Witch."

"Oh," I sigh. "Who... Who are you?"

"Name's Witch. I do witchy things." They wear a red biker jacket with a pentagram on their patches, jeans, and a fishnet bodysuit with a black bra under. "Also, before you ask. I'm not a girl, nor am I a boy. Please refer to me as four raccoons in a trench coat," they quickly explain. "But, hey, I've got a proposition for you. I heard you've got a Smissmas Naysayer on the premises."

I look over to the second person, and I immediately take a step back. "No, no, no. Merasmus, Witch, leave."

"Don't worry, it's fine," Witch calmly muses. "I'm his probation officer. He's doing community service right now."

Engie and I look at each other. He leans over and whispers to me. "You believe 'em?"

Merasmus lifts his leg and sets it down on the table, revealing an ankle monitor. "Merasmus...! Was tried in a court of law."

"And you got away with only probation?" Engie's skepticism is at an all-time high. "You oughta be charged with assault and battery as well. Three counts if we're just talking about you chucking around that stick like it was garbage."

Witch lifts their eyebrows. "Assault and battery, you say?" They readjust atop the table and fold their legs. "At any rate, we got some reports of a, uh, Disbeliever. Would we be right?"

"Yeah," I tell hesitantly. "Spy."

"You know what we do to those who don't carry the Smissmas spirit?" They ask, sounding almost like a threat and rhetorical question. "We help them find it once again."

I squint. "Wait, this is just the plot to Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol."

"No," Witch sternly asserts. "It's community service. To amend his Halloween wrongdoings, Merasmus must complete a course in Generosity and Unconditional Kindness. Christmas time is when we do this because it forces the wizard, witch, warlock, sorcerer, or whoever the offender may be to use their magic for good."

"Spy isn't even a Scrooge," I digress. "He just doesn't like the holidays. It's not like he revoked our right to a day off or something."

"There are no small parts, Miss Fredrickson," Merasmus mutters while shaking a fist as though he's reciting a line. I'm more surprised he remembered my name. "Quickly, we much find a jovial associate of his."

I put my pistol into the open brown pouch on Engie's hip. "For one of the Sprirts?"

"To incite the will to have him to change to do better," he volleys. I roll my eyes as Engie thinks.

"I don't know... Sniper's always been pals with him. Oh, Alpha, too. The three of them are usually a team for contracts. I dunno that much in particular about Spy." Engie sets his shotgun down on the table. "Those are all the people I can think of that he tolerates."

Witch nods. "Only thing is is that we already recruited them." They check their wrist as if they have a watch. "We're running a bit behind schedule. You two might do."

I lean over to Engie. "Should we really be helping them? I don't know, this doesn't feel right."

"I got that feelin'. too. Don't worry, I'm keeping an eye out on the off chance they're tellin' the truth."

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