10 ✿ Trapped Within The Walls | Some_girl_idk

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Some_girl_idk

✿ first impression: title, cover and description (11/15)

the title is great if you meant it to sound dystopian. it gives the vibe of a depressed person somehow. if not, perhaps try another word than walls. also, lowercase "the".

the cover is great and matches the genre. my only take on it: try lighter filters and colours to avoid irritation of the eyes.

alright, i like the description. it teased the story well, but it was long. quite frankly, many paragraphs from it could be omitted:

 quite frankly, many paragraphs from it could be omitted:

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the cross mark deletes what i think could be omitted. you can mention they're aliens thru the next paragraph. after "long time", i think the following paragraph is unnecessary as well. i have also corrected some grammar.

plot (15/20)

although i don't read this genre a lot, i'm sure an alien invasion isn't a new plot. i'm not one to mind overused plots when written well, however.

after finishing the prologue (which felt too long compared to the following chaps), i was confused. venus said they wanted to destroy earth, but she didn't say why. what's their motive? were they just proving power? did they want to inhabit earth? did humans hurt them?

humans will have to survive as their motive, but why did they want to invade them? my expectations of where the plot was going were thrown in my face at the difference between the description and the prologue. i was quickly reassured with humans in chapter one, but that didn't clear the confusion about the aliens' motives.

in chapter 1&2, when time is supposed to be very much later, i wished to see some worldbuilding of how advanced earth has turned. but i liked it when the action finally started.

so the plot was great, just make sure it flows with such important details to avoid plot-holes.

characters (15/20)

despite the motive problem, your characters were distinct right from the beginning. venus successfully delivered the story in her unique voice, giving me a direct insight into her personality, but she didn't fail to characterise others as well.

the king sounded stern and nonchalant, and the way he spoke supported it.

further into the prologue, i learn more about the characters. it was consistent and clear.

oliver sounded smart. when i knew his age, i was shocked. a 12yo wouldn't be thinking about such things. they only like to play and eat lol. was he even there when the first invasion happened? was he abnormally smart and interested in science? kinda same for rachel when she was reprimanding him with such adultish logic. maybe try making them older?

i was getting confused when rachel was about to cry. it was such a transition of vibe in the chapter. it wasn't so smooth, so maybe you could tune down the reaction with something less dramatic than crying.

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