With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.18

| Eleanor |

Hurt.

I was. .hurt.

Pathetically and irrevocably hurt.

Whatever transpired that day, i was feeling trapped in a bubble. The shit  he hurled my way, it made me feel trapped . .cut off from the world.

Or maybe I didn't want to be a part of the world yet.

The pretend-world.

Where I had to act prim and proper. Adjust my emotions according to people. I had lost the will to pretend.

Hissing at people for crossing my path, on the verge of losing my shit if they so much as looked at me—nothing made sense! 

Everything made sense before him!

What the hell changed now?

The sky wasn't blue enough, food didn't feel good enough and. .my friend didn't feel like a friend enough. .

I had this feeling like—like I lost something precious of mine.

Absurd!

To make matters worse, I had bottled up everything in me from the past one week. Each time Willow gave me that concerned look. .the what's wrong? look. .I would get this urge to spill. To lighten up my heart but my pride would jump in.

What is he to you?!

He never gave any name to the relationship! No "friends"! No "lovers"!

Why the frack would I accept it out loud that it was a certain man who was the culprit behind my pissy mood? Why acknowledge him?

And then i would pull myself back and give her the fakest smile I could conjure. I knew she was worried but she seemed in waiting.

Showing restraint.

For me.

And . . Ryan.

This one week felt like a lucid dream. I had no idea of my surroundings. I was performing the daily chores like a machine.

Mechanical and lifeless.

Yes, I knew I knew we had no relationship between us except of each other confidente. He had never sent a green signal my way so why was I being so caught up with him?

The hot senior had been avoiding me like I was the definition of the plague! If I turned right, he would turn left. If he saw me coming, he would leave. .

And every time he did, a slice of my heart would break away. Fall off.

I would catch him laughing with doe eyed girls and it would pierce my heart.

I couldn't help but ask. .

Why can't you laugh with me?

Why can't you look at me?

How could he act as if he didn't know me? When I had been the one he shared his heart with.

Half his heart—a crumb of it!

All I did was put the stupid boy in his place!

Occupying the worn out couch, I couldn't help but wonder who the hell was he? The second he entered on the horizon, Ryan drifted away from me.

Ryan. .soft speaking Ryan suddenly converted into a fire breathing dragon.

Maybe I shouldn't have butted in. Him being a man and all. .maybe he got embarrassed because of me going hulk on the boy—