John Character Study

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uhhh I read too many character studies online and now I want to do one?

All jokes aside this seemed interesting to do since John has been through so much.

Edit: this is like 3-ish weeks later before I even started to write it and warning it's going to be angsty. I don't want to make it sound like a self-insert but something caught up with me and I think writing might help me unload. In a way, I can sort of relate to John/Claire so if it's a tiny bit out of character you know why.

I'm sort of an author and what better author would I be if I didn't turn my life problems into something somewhat entertaining for people to read?

Some of the parts don't relate to me but some do, I won't bother pointing out which ones relate to me.

If you don't like so much darkness and angst then I suggest you don't read this, you can skip it. It won't have much impact or none at all on my canon story.


For most of his life, all he's known is pain and darkness. When was the last time he felt happy? Maybe it was when his mother was in his life but he didn't remember any of that. Any ounce of happiness he might have felt then was long forgotten. He had no power over anyone, but they had the power to serve him pain and anger. He could never act on that anger though, it would just lead to more pain would it not?

Years and years of built-up anger yet he still never acted on it, not yet at least. Resentment and urges to hurt them always simmered underneath his skin. The anger and resentment, the pain and the darkness built and built until he was exposed to the tiniest shard of light.

A girl helped him. She let happiness seep through to him again. Then a boy, he joined the girl and suddenly he was happy.

He didn't know it yet but the short time of happiness held nothing to the years of built-up anger and bitterness. There were moments when the well-trained anger was about to lash out yet he held it in. He might be angry but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to do anything.

Suddenly, the shard of light grew. It shined upon him so brightly. He had power now. So suddenly that all he could feel was pure exuberance. He could fight back now! He could put his trained emotions into place with his newfound power.

Unbeknownst to all of them, that shard of light would slice through the short happiness they felt. Because that's what it was, a shard of light, not a path. Sharp and rigid, if you get too close, you'll get cut. No matter the happiness, if you walk too close to the sun you'll get burned.

Or in their case, it cut through the thin line of restraint and emotions that were barely held together.

He used his new superiority to punish those who had wronged him. And he enjoyed it. Years of rage and fury finally found an outlet, a way to express how large the anger had built. He punished them to the fullest extent he could, he might have proved his superiority but he didn't prove anything to gain trust or respect. He might hold the King title in hand and it might have given him the chance to give as much as he has taken but was it worth it anymore?

He might have people to rule over now but in the process, he pushed away those closest to him, the ones that helped him with the power he was given. And then suddenly he was lashing out. To everyone and anyone. No matter the rank because he was the strongest now. No one could beat him, no one tried. He finally managed to lash at his own kin.

The very people that exposed him to light and now he was the one swallowing them into his darkness. Into his world of pain, in the world he grew up in but many times worse. Because he was calling the shots now, he might have had to deal with other people that angered him to the fullest capacity but what would it be like if he pushed all his emotions into a cannon and fired without stopping, with no plan to stop.

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