+Bad Catholics+ Frank Iero

+27+

I sat in the passenger's seat of Frank's car with my feet up on the dash, looking out the window at the empty gravel lot near the lake he had taken me previously. It was too cold to get out and actually walk to the lake, but now that we were as Frank so graciously put it, "runaways", we needed somewhere to go before school ended. I'm pretty sure he was poking fun at me for leaving class and not coming back, when meanwhile that was just a normal school day for him. I still didn't understand how he hadn't gotten expelled yet.

The conversation we had in the parking lot weighed heavy on me. I carried a lot of guilt.

I wanted to blame him for my lack of trust- or maybe my lack of faith, rather. Something about those girls' words seemed so credible, as if it were something I wanted to hear. That was the red pill. I wanted to be right. I wanted Frank to be some monster that only wanted to be around me for all of the wrong reasons, whose words had no further purpose than to deceive girls like me. It sounded awful but if all of that were true, everything wouldn't feel so upside down anymore. Predictable. But it wasn't.

"What do you think?"

I looked down at the plastic gas station cup I held in my hands, unsure I could get much of a word out, joking or not. We had been sitting in silence for a while now, Frank occasionally drawing little shapes with his fingers in the fog on his window while I soundlessly brooded over the state of things.

"Is... it supposed to get so chunky at the bottom?"

"I seriously can't believe you've never had a slushy before."

I shrugged and stared out the front windshield, wishing I could revisit the last time we were by the lake. There I was scared, but at least I was happy, too. I didn't know how to talk to him after what happened. There was an obvious question that had been looming between the both of us for the past few days, now stronger than ever, and it was one I knew I would be forced to answer soon. My plan to act aloof to how I was acting lately could only last so long. I just didn't know if I would ever be ready. I was hoping I didn't have to be.

"Do you think I'm going to get expelled?" I asked flatly, not averting my gaze from the window.

"I've done worse."

I stiffly chuckled and took another labored sip, kind of feeling like the world was ending. If I did get expelled, my future would be gone. Not changed, just gone.

Frank sighed and put his drink in the cupholder, albeit a little too small for the cup, and shifted his body in the driver's seat towards me. I kept the back of my head resting against the seat but reluctantly turned it to face him, a desperate look in his eyes.

"We can't sit here in this lot forever, Daisy Mae."

I could feel my brows softly furrow at the tone of his voice, a strange sadness to it that matched his expression. I could tell he only wanted to make me feel better, despite being in the dark about what could actually be wrong.

"I don't know what else to do," I muttered.

"Why can't you go home? I'm sure your parents will be a little mad but-"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't, Frank."

It felt he was digging for what was really going on, but I didn't want to reveal in any way that I had any idea. I just wanted this terrible cloud hanging over us to go away. For a moment I considered dragging on the conversation about the trivial library gossip to pose as the ultimate source of my grief, but he was smarter than to fall for that any longer. No matter the shame, the basic truth still eluded me.

Frank readjusted in his seat with a sudden sense of urgency and jammed his keys into the ignition, turning the car on.

"Where are we going?" I asked, slowly pulling the seatbelt across my chest while I stared at him.

"I don't know. Riding the high instead of sitting in this stupid patch of dirt letting it swallow us. Here," He said sternly, wrestling something out of his back pocket. "First thing you see that isn't crossed off."

I fumbled the list in my hands, my heart rate picking up at Frank's swift change in mood. I had no idea what his intentions were, but if they were to distract me, it was already kind of working.

"Frank."

"What?"

"Arson, seriously?" I snorted, holding the list up to him.

Frank actually cracked a smile and turned forward to adjust the air vents so that some of the heat reached me.

"I kind of put that as a joke."

I shook my head as I looked back down at the list, the grin I had taking longer to leave my face than I expected. Resisting the urge to stray elsewhere on the page, my eyes landed on the very next item and I held it back up to him again. It didn't seem all that bad, but then again, I didn't feel like I had much to lose so what could it have mattered.

"This one?"

Frank squinted at words resting next to my finger and gave a nod, shifting the Grand Am in reverse.

"I know just the place. Oh, before we go," He stopped and reached over my seat to the back, his hand returning with my father's sweatshirt. "I always see you wearing it outside of school, I figured you'd miss it."

My eyes lit up and I grabbed it probably a little too excitedly, discreetly hugging it to my chest before pulling it over my head. I could see Frank smirk at me in the corner of my eye before he put his right hand on my seat and twisted around to begin backing the car out.

I knew that his bold distractions wouldn't last forever, and I think he knew that as well, but still, I had found myself pleading to the universe lately.

Please, let me have just one more.