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Finally I was finished doing what she said and I was last one she called into her room.
"Okay before we get into what you wrote, I need you take a deep breath and relax. Everything in that notebook is what you went through and it's like advice to your younger self." She started.
"Close your eyes and visualize your younger self standing in front of you and speak from deep within. Then open your eyes and read the letter.." She said and I took a deep breath as I did what she said and started to speak.
"Dear Lala, I want you to know that nothing was ever your fault." I took a deep breath. "You did everything you were supposed to do as a little girl and teenager. I'm sorry that the things you went through caused for you to not to love yourself. I'm sorry no one believed you." My voice cracked.
"I'm sorry that everybody hurt you and neglected you. I'm sorry that you felt alone and felt like you had to hold everything in because you were scared something bad will happen." She handed me a tissue.
"I'm sorry that you weren't able to grow up with your mother. I want you to know that it's okay to feel the way you felt and you weren't the blame. You struggled a long time trying to find guidance and everything is going to get better one day." I cried and she grabbed my hands.
"Just let it all out, it's okay." She said.
"I just think that I can never let that go." I cried.
"Let what go?" She asked to get a better understanding.
"That when I was taken advantage of and I went to somebody for help and they didn't believe me." I said.
"Who?" She asked.
"My stepmother." I expressed.
ꨄ
"A lot of things and traumas were expressed today and I just want to say that neither of you shouldn't have went through that during your childhood. I honestly don't think that you're mostly upset with each other, you're mostly upset with the people who raised you. Kamille, Karmyn, and Landon, you all walked away leaving your little sister alone unintentionally and she had no choice but to think that she needed to distance herself because that's all you four knew growing up." She said.
"You expressed to me the other day that your father would almost never be home and it seemed as if he didn't care and that's the pattern in your household. I truly believe that you all do want to be closer as siblings but how could you do that when your whole life each and everyone of you were raised as different people and they treated you like options in a different category." She explained.
"I want you to take the time and say what you have to say to each other and I'm not gone say anything." She said.
"I just want to apologize as the oldest for leaving all of you behind and not being there for y'all. And Kaelyn I know that growing up people treated you like you were the blame for everything but we never saw it that way." Kamille said.
