The Art of Still Pretending

Nineteen

Blair POV.
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I should of left him there. Walked away, and said fuck you. Not cared. But that wouldn't be me if I did. No matter how I wish it was, I couldn't be the girl who simply didn't care.

Instead I grabbed his stupid hand, and led him to my car. And now I'm driving his arrogant ass home. "Walk me inside?" He turns his head and gives me his boyish grin. We had just pulled up to his house. Not wanting to argue, I sigh and park.

"You're mad at me." He says after we walk into the living room.

"You're eyes are bloodshot." I point out. I can see him swaying, and hear him slurring his words. I've never see him this drunk before.

"You're mad at me." He says again, I push away his hand when it tries to reach for my face.

"You're an asshole, that's why." I say, starting to raise my voice. "You've ignore me for weeks, completely shut me out. And then call me at almost two in the morning, to pick you up. And then you're an asshole."

His smirk fades away, and turn into a slight frown. "You're the only one I thought I could call."

"You've ignored me for weeks."

"I thought you were the only one who was never busy enough for me. I didn't know who else to call." My face softens at his breaking words. "I didn't know who else to call." His voice breaks and I see his eyes start to gloss.

"Jake?"

"Everyone's been busy, and I've been alone. So I went to a place I shouldn't have gone to. And I almost did it." Tears start to fall down his face. "Someone offered me a pill, and I almost took it."

I don't know how to react. The carefree boy, was just a lost one in disguise.

"I'm broken." He chokes out. "I'm so close to doing it. The thought of using has never sounded so convincing. I'm broken, and I don't know what to do. And no one can help me."

"I can..."

"You can what? I'm sorry sweetheart, but you won't be able to fix me. No one can."

I don't know what to do. He's right, I can't fix him. I don't even think I can help him.

"I have no one, but myself." He slurs.

"What about me?" My voice cracks. Was I not good enough for him? "I could of been there for you, but you wouldn't let me. We were fine, but then you stopped talking to me. You could of had me there."

"But I can't." He yells, "You know I can't have you. And you're selfish for telling me otherwise."

"And why not?"

"Because you can't have both of us. I can't be second choice. Tell me right now, that I wouldn't be."

I don't know the answer to that. I want to say no, but he has some type of grip on me. No matter what I do, I can't escape Grayson Heart. I like Jake, but I like Grayson.

"Do you think you were supposed to fall in love with me?" He sighs sitting down on the couch. "And that you fell in love with him on accident. Like I was just at the wrong place, at the wrong time. If I met you before him, could you've liked me? Because I like you, a lot Blair. Just In case you didn't notice. And I want you to like me, more than I would admit. But I just need to know if I have a chance. Do I have a chance? Because I'm going crazy here..."

He doesn't think I like him at all, which isn't the truth. Because I do, but it's just different. "Yes."

"Yes?" His head perks up, clearly not expecting that answer.

A slight smile reaches his face. "Ok."

"Ok?" I asked confused.

"Then I am going to sure as in hell fight for you Blair Knight."

"Fight for me?" He wanted to fight for me? "But didn't you stop talking to me, because you didn't like me?" I'm just confused, I don't even know myself what I'm saying.

"I stopped talking to you, because I was going in too deep. And I thought I had no chance."

"But," I start to say. "At the party, you asked me if I wanted the one thing I couldn't give you. You said you knew my answer...."

"I thought it was no."

   "You thought it was no?"

   "Stop repeating what I'm saying." He sighs annoyed.

   "We'll start making sense." I argue.

   "I make plenty of sense, you are the one with clearly too much wax in their ear. Come on now, clear it out and start listening." He argues back.

   "You're treating me like I'm five."

   "Am not."

   "Am too." I say, not thinking that I was playing into his point.

   "Well, do you see why I am now?" He asks with a smug look.

   "You're annoying."

   "...ly handsome, we've been through this sweetheart."

   "More like annoyingly full of yourself."

   "Damn right I am, look at myself. I'm hot." he motions to his body.

   "You're really not." I cross my arms and lie through my teeth.

   "Liar. If I remember correctly, you said I was the hottest Heart brother." He says with a smirk.

   "Dude," I groan. "Did you seriously need to bring that up?"

   "Did you just dude me?" He asks amused.

   "Yes, dude."

   "Ok, dude."

   "Don't call me dude."

   "You called me dude first."

   "Because you are a dude."

   "Why don't both of you dudes, be quiet and go to bed." Kyle says from the stairs. Both of our heads snap towards that direction. There, standing on the stairs, was Luke, Kyle, yes and Blake.

   "I thought there was a killer." Luke smiles.

   "He woke us up all scared." Kyle says with a yawn.

   "But then, we heard two people arguing like five year olds and I told them it had to be you two." Blake says trying not to laugh.

   "And he was right." Luke adds.

   "You guys are annoying." Jake says, I turn and still see amusement in his eyes. I think that our argument and then whatever, had turned him sober for the most part.

   "Says the ones that bicker at two in the morning." Luke argues.

  "Like you've never kept everyone up that early." Jake argues back.

   "Well, whatever but..."

   Blake cuts off Luke. "Wait, why are you guys together so late?" Blake raises an eyebrow. I can understand his confusion. I filled him and Natalie in on everything that happened on the date, to the night later, to the couple weeks after, to the ignoring me.

   "Because we're..." Jake stops and looks at me. Yea, finish that sentence bud. Because I'd love to know the answer to that.

   "Well, go on." Luke says with a raised eyebrow.

   Jake clears his throat, "Well, umm. We are a little more than friends but a little less than..." he looks at me for help.

   "Lovers?" I suggest.

   "Yea, we are a little more than friends and a little less than lovers."

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