26 | Ghosts, Part II

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I'd eased back into the party with relative inconspicuousness, despite the fact that I was under the impression I could legitimately bounce off of walls. I knew nobody had paid attention to where I'd gone, but that didn't stop me from overanalyzing the way people greeted and congratulated me. The crowd had shifted, the faces had been replaced, the sky had darkened, and the early onset of night came down on us. I just kept moving, doing laps around the kitchen and the den and talking to people like I was the god damn mayor. I was afraid if I stopped, so would my heart.

Apparently Chris had fallen asleep in Mr. Higashioka's study, and he reemerged an hour later, completing his metamorphosis and shedding his champagne-soaked shirt like a cocoon in exchange for one of Anthony's many Boston College tees. Even though I wouldn't be caught dead repping gear from another ACC school, my body hated me and my stubborn pride as I shivered in my still-damp button up shirt.

"Come on, I've got us up next at the pong table," Chris said as he slung his arm around my shoulder. I felt weird keeping things from Chris, and I wondered if he knew as I squirmed under his grip.

As would be expected, Chris and I quickly attracted a small crowd as we played two seniors on the soccer team in beer pong. I'd become hyper-aware of the way people looked at me. Could they hear the way my heart pounded as it tried to escape my chest? Could they taste the dopamine that seeped out of every orifice of my pore like honey?

It was as if my brain was tuned into a different radio frequency than everyone else's, and all I could pick up was static. I didn't know if I was already coming down from the high, but I knew I hated whatever this feeling was, like you're chasing after something and no matter how hard you go and how fast you run, it just moves further and further away. I just didn't know if I was reaching out for the high, or something else.

"I don't wanna play anymore," I grumbled after I missed another shot.

I turned away from the pong table and inadvertently let my gaze fall over the thinning crowd dispersed throughout the den. I wasn't sure if I saw her first, or she saw me first, but when our eyes finally met from opposite sides of the room, the electricity that shot through me could have lit up a small town. Kaia Greene had seemingly stepped out from the void, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized I'd been looking for her all along.

And just as quickly as it lit me up, it all went dark when she turned away and disappeared into the thriving ecosystem of the party. As if we were conjoined by a tiny string, when she moved, I felt compelled to follow.

"Dallas?" Chris called after me. "Dallas, you can't just quit!"

"I don't quit," I replied over my shoulder. "I'm just avoiding losing."

I spotted Kennedy sitting on the kitchen island, swinging her legs back and forth as she casually flirted with some girl in a blue hoodie. I guess I wasn't the only person in the mood to act upon emotionally-driven impulses. People did horrible shit when our hearts were being held in someone else's hands, and even though I should have been mad at Kennedy by default, part of me understood. I knew how Rochelle operated, and I also knew how Kennedy looked at her - probably the same way Jordyn looked at me. You can't force yourself to love someone, no matter how much they might love you.

"Have you seen Kaia?" I blurted out as I wedged myself between Kennedy and blue hoodie girl, who scoffed and walked away.

"No, I haven't." Kennedy threw me a pointed look.

"Bullshit."

Unfazed, Kennedy let out a heavy sigh. "You know Dallas, I never liked you. There's something about you...your entitlement, your fake swagger, you think it's charming but it's just annoying. And one day people - including Kaia - are going to see you for what you really are behind all of that. Just a sad little boy so desperate for attention and validation that you'll do anything to get it."

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