if i can't have you || rini au

26. heart wants what it wants

"okay..." nini muttered to herself as she paced back and forth in her bedroom "don't freak out...don't freak out..."

she continued to pace back and forth and back and forth as she fiddled with her necklace anxiously, not being able to come to terms with what she was feeling. she couldn't acknowledge it completely or say it out loud because well... she knew it could never happen for one thing.

the sudden loud sound of her phone going off made her jump up in fright as she exhaled deeply, hesitantly taking the phone and answering the call as she put it to her ear

"h-hello?"

"your highness! long time!"

nini managed a weak smile and exhaled "benjamin!"

"how've you been?" he asked "i hope erica hasn't made you try all sorts of absurd things??"

nini shook her head "you know i would want to do it anyway... how's my mother? i didn't get to speak to her recently..."

"you're lucky she's been busy with this big agreement for the charities in autonia this week. but she does miss you a lot." he told her

nini nodded "i miss her too...all of you...i've been a little preoccupied..."

"how's the ordinary life been treating you?"

nini swallowed "a little more complicated than i'd imagined..."

benjamin stayed silent for a few seconds "...what's happened?"

nini sighed as she sat down on the end of her bed and fell backwards, laying down as she stared at the ceiling with her phone to her ear "i've just been overwhelmed."

"anything i can help with?"

nini grabbed her pillow and held it against her "well...i mean...you don't really do well with the sentimental benji." she laughed weakly

benjamin gasped "i do when appropriate and when needed."

the brunette girl laughed softly again and exhaled, her smile soon fading as she thought back to what was bothering her "have you...have you ever...had feelings? for someone? someone you can't necessarily be with...?"

benjamin took a deep breath, sighing heavily through the phone "...you've gained feelings for that boy from your arrival."

nini looked down in defeat "he's so wonderful..." she mumbled "he's sweet and caring and understanding...and he knows about everything i've been going through and has been helping me...it was hard not to gain feelings...even if i know i shouldn't...i can't help it, you know?"

benjamin exhaled again "yes...i do."

nini rolled over onto her stomach and bit her nail "what do i do? tell me what to do-"

"is that an order...?"

"benjamin!" nini exclaimed with a small smile

benjamin chuckled softly before sighing "well, you're seventeen nini. you haven't experienced everything a teenage girl would, so i think you should do just that."

nini frowned "so...you think i should just focus on my stay in salt lake rather than him?"

"i think that you should trust yourself and follow what your heart tells you for the next couple months." he told her

nini nodded slowly "thank you benjamin...i couldn't be more grateful for you."

"you can thank me when you've returned as a whole rather than with a missing arm or leg." he joked, making nini giggle

"well, i should go. there's lots to prepare."

"send mother a kiss from me." nini said quickly

"will do, goodbye miss, nina."

"goodbye." she smiled, hanging up the phone as she took a deep breath

she put her phone down next to her, turning her head to face the ceiling as she thought back to the conversation she'd had with benjamin.

follow the heart...did that mean dealing with all this and coming clean to ricky? if she did, how would it play out? did he feel the same way? and if he didn't, what would happen to their friendship? that made her chest tighten...the thought of losing him made her feel something quite unbearable...but somehow what scared her the most was if he did feel the same way...because she knew deep down that there was no eternal place for them. not in her world.

the sudden sound of her phone notification going off made her turn her head to the side, seeing a message from none other than the curly-haired boy coming through which made her bite the inside of her cheek.