Dark Cravings

11.

HEAVEN'S POV:

Ever since that night, every encounter I make with him makes me act in a very eccentric way. What I saw in those eyes that night, changed so much, never making things same. I keep making scenarios that are so forbidden to be described, I've never been so out of track, so in thoughts of someone else. I hope it'll go away soon.

Sighing, I sat down on the bed, placing the shopping bags aside. I have finally bought everything I needed, all I need is preparation.

I clutched my fingers together, my face dropping.

No matter how good I am with my memory, I was never a good speaker. Either I get nervous or forget everything because of anxiety. Thoughts of speaking in front of other people whom I don't know makes my heart rush in fear. I don't know how I'm going to make it with this interview, they require someone who can talk, not someone mute like me.

Oh God! I'm already thinking so negative about this, I need to stop with my predictions and prepare myself so that I can give my best. There's a lot I have to learn and frame myself, it begins with this interview.

THREE DAYS LATER:
HEAVEN'S POV:

“They have over hundreds of branches in the states and overseas. Been top selling for ten years in a row... ” I recited the facts that I'll be needing tomorrow. I'm extremely tensed, it's evening time already and I still feel like I haven't prepared anything. I remember all the facts, I hope I'll be able to present myself well.

I breathed in, closing my eyes. As per Ariana told me, there will be few important people, judging me. I need not to see much about them as all I'll be asked is history or the personality questions.

I laid back on the couch, snuggling in the blanket I had on it. It's been almost a month since I came here and I already feel much included. It's because Ariana makes sure I don't feel like an outsider and involves me in everything she does, helping me distract myself from pinching thoughts and memories.

But, not matter how bright I smile outside for them, nobody knows what I'm going through. This feeling if emptiness can never be fulfiled, it'll be never the same. I wish I could bring dad back. I would do anything for that, I want to rush and hug him while he picks me up, chuckling. It's all I wish for, to be alive once again, to feel warmth and love that used to be an indispensable part of my life.

I don't know if I can keep pretending to be happy for long, if I can keep this smiling face so that everyone accepts me for someone who I am not. There's nothing else I can do. Nobody would want a broken, hurt girl in their lives and families, I'll have to live with it, for as long as I might live.

A tear escaped my eye while I covered my face in the blanket, wiping it quickly. I clenched the blanket tightly, forcing my tears back, I need to be strong, crying will only fog my way.

I sat up, setting my hairs while my eyes already felt irritating, probably red. I picked up dad's diary and ran my fingers over it, placing a kiss on the old paper like smell, cover. This has everything I'll ever need for surviving, memories, lessons and my dad. Tears streaming down my cheeks made there way over the leather covering while I hitched, crying uncontrollably.

These sudden outburst of memories make me so weak. I feel like I can control myself, distract myself but there's no other thing I can think of when I remember that night, the night of my fate. That text, darkness, shattered pieces of my heart, I remember everything just like I felt it, every single heart beat feels reciting.

I stood up to get my mind off this before I collapse like any other time. With my shaking legs, I managed my way inside the washroom and turned on the water to wash my fash.