𝐕𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫 ✰ 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

i can't stop ^

- kinda sad content :/
- literally using this to rant lol i'm so sorry
- cringe warning lol
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y/n's pov

~backstory~

i had been in love with vinnie for years. he never seemed to notice. not even when i'd look at him like he was the very thing making my heart beat. i'd dress for him, i'd get up in the morning for him, i'd do my makeup just because i knew i'd see him. he never cared.

i eventually found a way to be without him. a way to cope with the fact that he didn't love me. i accepted that he never would.

then after years, he noticed my beauty. he noticed my kindness. he noticed that i couldn't possibly ever judge him. he said kind things to me, when he used to not speak to me at all. he gave me all the attention i had craved for so long. it almost hurt. but it hurt so good.

his eyes being on me was enough to make me melt. he finally had that shine in his eye when he looked at me. the shine i had begged for. i'd do absolutely anything to keep it there. i walked on eggshells with him, making sure he wouldn't slip out of my hands. he didn't know that i'd been in love with him for years. he didn't know that i already looked at him like he was everything, because to him we had just started getting to know each other.

but in reality, i knew him like the back of my hand. i knew about his past, i knew who his favorite people were, i knew him. but he didn't know me. and i wasn't sure if he really wanted to know me. it happened so fast.

it went from never speaking at all, to me being in his passenger seat. it took everything in me to not tear up every time he said something sweet to me while looking into my eyes. it was all i ever wanted. why had it taken so long ?

i couldn't let my guard down. i refused to believe that he could ever be mine. it had been held in front of me, teasing me, for so long. how could i possibly uphold it ? it had been years. why would he want me now ? what changed ? my chest hurt every time i looked his direction. i loved him with my entire body.

~present day~

but now i stand outside of his door sobbing, embarrassing myself. i knew it was all gonna slip through my fingers one day. he was holding me and then all of a sudden he wasn't. i knew it was too good to be true.

it was pouring rain but i still stood there screaming. "you could've just left me the fuck alone! i was fine! i was finally functioning with the idea that you'd never be mine! why didn't you just leave me alone?!?" i knew he was listening and watching from his upstairs bedroom window, but not a word.

"i cant stop loving you v! i cant stop!" the rain melted into my tears and i couldn't tell the difference anymore. my hair stuck to my face. i gripped my chest in pain. it physically hurt all over again. "i'll love you till i fucking die! you know that right?!?" i inhaled painfully sharp. "fuck you!" i wanted to drop to my knees.

my clothes were already soaked, i already felt like i had no reason to live, why not just lay in the flooded street and maybe get ran over ? what would really change ? who would really miss me ? "why'd you make me need you huh!?!? answer me! fuck you.." i suffocated on my dry throat. "i'd give you anything! anything at all! in my fucking darkest times i was there for you! not me! you! and you still left!"

i wiped my face. i couldn't see through the rain. "please talk to me..." i walked to sit on the curb. i hugged my knees. i cried like i never had before. i felt hollow. once again. dead. floating. i was shaking. it was so cold. all i wanted was for him to come out with a towel and let me come back inside. i wanted him to just open his door one last time to me, so i could smell him in the air the door pushed out.