The Mark of a Beta

thirty- four

With Axel's black Amex card frozen in midair, I know that I look guilty. I was definitely planning on paying the pizza delivery person with Axel's money. It seems that Axel intercepted the delivery person, because he's holding three steaming boxes of pizza and his car is parked right next to the delivery truck that is pulling out of the driveway as we speak.

Axel immediately looks at the card in my hand and raises an eyebrow. I roll my eyes and grab the pizzas from him, heading inside. He follows behind.

I place the pizza on one of the TV tables, and Larry looks up at the pizza, then me, and then Axel. His eyebrows shoot up and then he clears his throat.

"Lane, Axel's here with the pizza."

"Axel?" Lane turns the corner, wiping her hands on the dish towel still in her hand. "I wasn't aware you were coming or else we could have ordered a pizza for you. Cooper didn't mention-"

"That's because I didn't know," I say sternly, glaring at Axel.

"If you had answered your phone, then you would have."

"You didn't answer your fucking phone either, and then I told you to fuck off. Why would you think that means that you should come here?" I begin to get agitated because he shouldn't just show up unannounced. And, it's Thursday night, which means I can't go to Dark Wood with him now like I'm supposed to this weekend. I have school tomorrow, which I'm certainly not missing just because he felt like ordering me to come back with him early because he's annoyed with me.

Clearly, I'm still fucking pissed that he ignored me on purpose.

"I came a day early because you're clearly mad at me," he says calmly, which pisses me off more because he can remain so unaffected while I'm getting physically more distressed with this conversation.

"Yeah, I'm fucking mad! Because you ignored me just to worry me, and I thought you were hurt or dead or some shit!" I scream at him, getting in his face as I let out all of my anger. Larry and Lane are still watching, but I don't give a fuck if they see us fighting. I'm mad, and I don't care who knows it.

Dan was right- if you don't fight, you don't really love. Fighting with Axel, showing him my frustration, is important. As soon as I finish yelling at him, all of the anger seeps out of me and my true emotions come to the surface. I'm not really angry. I'm hurt because I was scared. Terrified that something awful happened to him. And he acted casually about the whole fucking thing, like my feelings were something he could toy with.

Tears flood my eyes, and when the first one falls, Axel looks taken aback. He looks to Larry and Lane, and apparently whatever he sees there doesn't help him one bit. He opens his mouth, then closes it again.

I hear shuffling on the couch, then footsteps into the other room. A door closing shut. And then it's just the two of us in the living room.

"I thought you were hurt," I whisper this time, and another tear falls.

"Don't cry," Axel says pathetically, his eyebrows scrunched together. He bends his knees and leans over so he can look me straight in the eyes. "I'm fine."

"Obviously you're fine!" I snap at him. "It doesn't change the fact that I was fucking terrified for ten minutes as you sat next to your phone twiddling your fucking thumbs! Just to upset me!"

"I wasn't twiddling my thumbs. I was trying to show you what it is like for me when you don't answer-"

"It's not the same! You know I'm just shitty at answering the phone! It's on silent when I'm at school, and I have work to do, and sometimes it slips my mind! You're in a position where you can have your ringer on, and you have the freedom to create whatever schedule you want! I'm not a Beta, I don't get that kind of freedom, Axel! I'm a student who's trying to graduate in a month. And you purposefully trying to scare me into thinking you're hurt when you see my worried texts isn't something to be proud of!"