Always Been You

It's Always Been You

December

"Congratulations to our three fab graduates, Alia, Karan, and Kristina!" Nicole beamed. We all put up our glasses of water. I finally graduated! I still can't believe it. It's been such a whirlwind. But the most interesting years of my life. After having a mini grad party with my family after the afternoon commencement, all of us are now out East. We've rented out an Air Bnb for the night, so we can celebrate an end of an era. 

Before going out for the night, we moved in our stuff at the house so we can get ready here. The girls and I were going for winter vibes with stockings under our skirts and thick sweaters.

"I've had like three cups of coffee today, so I feel so hyper right now," Alia tells us. We're in Jacob's car headed to the restaurant. I think one of Karan's friend's family owns this Italian place so we were able to get their party room. Also, more graduates from our class were going to be coming too. "I'm starving," Jacob groans as he turns off the engine after parking. I see a lot of cars with our school parking stickers, so I guess we're fashionably late now.

Soon, all of us are devouring fresh bread with a nice olive oil dressing. I seriously cannot express how much I love bread. Wow, I'm in such a loving mood right now. And this is before drinking any wine. "Oh look, more people!" Nicole squeals as she raises her hands up to get their attention. A few people we know came over and mingled with us for a while. It's kinda crazy to think how I won't see the same faces every day. Things are going to change, and I hope I'm able to fit into the new chapter of my life.

Right as I'm about to take the last bite of my entree, Jacob elbows me. "Ouch, what?" I say rubbing my hip that now hurts. He points towards behind me. Drew warmly smiles at me as I turn to face him. I immediately drop my fork. I wave him over. "Hey!" I exclaim getting up to hug him. He wraps his long arms around me as he usually would. "Congratulations, Kristina! You did it," he holds onto my shoulders. I smile at him thinking about how I haven't seen him in a minute. He looks a little different, might be a new haircut. Drew grabs my hand and pulls me to a quieter corner.

"How do you feel?" he asks me. It's crazy how one's blood, sweat, and tears go into a college degree, but the moment it's handed to you, it's so anticlimactic. I guess I was just expecting this big thing you know. I shrug. "I think I need a few more days for it to sink in," I respond. We take the next few minutes to do our best to catch up on everything we missed.

"This kinda feels weird, doesn't it?" he admits. I nod in agreement. "In my head, I had to keep reminding myself to keep it chill, and that it wasn't a big deal. But, it really is. Living in separate states during a breakup made it easy to avoid those awkward run-ins that I forgot what it would be like when I saw you again." Drew and I have been broken up since September.

Letting go of our relationship was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. If we lived in a perfect world, we'd still be together. But ultimately, I think we both know we ended up being much more different than we were similar, and neither of us wanted to admit it. I did love, Drew. I truly did. But we just failed to build a stronger foundation to survive the distance. At the end of the day, we were paving separate paths while we were together, so there was no chance of us lasting.

I felt all of my friends' gazes on us as Drew and I tried to talk more in-depth. I shake my head at them and let out a laugh. Drew suggests we get some fresh air and finish our conversation. I grab my jacket from my chair and head up the stairs behind him. He lends me his hand to help me jump over this awkwardly placed divider, but I use the wall as support instead.

(Song Recommendation: Never Not by Lauv)

As the echoes from the music bounce around the parking lot, Drew and I quietly sat on a bench at the end of the street. We've had good conversations while strolling outside at night. But what we talk about today, will stick with us for the rest of our lives. I don't even know where to start, so I wait for him to say something first.