SCARRED(Sequel To Wounded)

Chapter 15

Hey guys! I haven't been able to edit this, so please bear with the typos. I just really had to drop a chapter. Enjoy!

Song: Mount Everest -Labrinth

AZ
I can't believe less than a month ago, Kacely was at my place for dinner with Gramps. We all sat at the same table and cracked jokes and laughed and ate and everything was alright. I think that was the happiest I had ever been in a while. The happiest I have ever been in my life. I had a great relationship with my grandfather, it wasn't perfect but it was worth a lot. Shura and I were in a good place too. To top it all, I was in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend who I was very much in love with. Who I AM very much in love with. We were being honest with each other, we were about to write our exams in a few weeks and for the first time in my life, I started seeing the need to plan a future.

And then Shura found out she was pregnant,
Then I had to help search for her hospital book,
Then I saw mom's suicide note,
Then I slapped Gramps,
Then I went to Buea,
Then Gramps got shot,
Then Gramps got in a coma,
Then he woke up and I felt like God may actually love me,
But then Gramps died,
Yet I refused to give up.
I fasted
I prayed
I believe
But Gramps never woke up
And then those pretentious people came over to visit and I cussed them out (which I admit I probably shouldn't have), then Kacely left, then I had this dreamy-vision like hallucination about Gramps, then asking Shura for us to leave in the middle of the night (OK, maybe that was a bit too much), then showing up here, refusing to go home with Shura, fighting with Kacely, making out with Kacely, fighting with Kacely, throwing food on Kacely, fighting with Kacely...

When the hell did all that happen?
It's like watching a comedy/tragedy /blockbuster/thriller on fast forward. Yes, that is my life. A joke, a tragedy, a mystery on fast forward, on repeat, on shuffle. And the question is; What the fuck did I ever do to deserve all these? Where did I go wrong?

Why isn't this happening to other people? To Bryana for instance. She seems to have it all perfect. But look at me, I don't even know what I'm doing. And the only person who's been by me through all this, the only person who deals with my shit and still loves me, I'm pushing him away. Or rather, I already have. Have I?

I hope not. But then how will I know? He's with Bryana. I mean we had a fight and his first move is to go to Bryana? He's running to her like he did last time and look what happened. They kissed and almost hooked up even and they're together now. They might actually do it.
Can they? Would Kacely really do that to me?

I know I'm literally being intolerable right now, but he has to understand me, I'm going through a lot right now, I'm literally at my lowest . All I needed was a drink or a smoke but look what happened! I didn't actually mean to throw the food on him... well I did but I regretted it, I just wasn't like... in the position to apologize. He is supposed to be more understanding with me! But he's running off to Bryana. Well, not like I care. I don't need him, I don't need anyone! I'm fine on my own, I'll take care of myself. I'll get the drugs on my own.

I need drugs... God do I need drugs. But where will I get them from? I lost the number of my olug when I broke the last phone and the only place I can think of is the one I went to on 11th February.

"No ever come here again"
"I go help you, but no ever come back for here, you don hear? If you get to come no come you one."
"You no fit come for this kind place wey you no know who you di come here for. Ajebo they nodi come for here"

"This quarter dangerous, thief people, rapist, all kind banga smoker them dey here."

Pope tried to accentuate the dangers of me going there so many times. He warned and warned. But honestly, what do I have to lose by going there? I've already lost everything, literally. You can't steal from an empty box. If I'm to die of depression, I should at least feel those few seconds of ecstasy that drugs bring. Those moments of nothingness, of numbness, of silence.