With Love, Ryan (Shattered#1)

.29

| Eleanor |

The past one week had been nothing but a combination of heartache, headache, disbelief and in total denial.

After the emotional rollercoaster that day. . .I hibernated  in my humble apartment and refused to come out since one week. So coped up with everything surrounding me, I didn't pick Willow's call. .not even my mother's frantic back to back calls.

I had this huge load on my shoulders, I could feel it in my bones. All I did this week was just lay on bed and stare at the ceiling.

Contemplating what he said.

What I did.

What Dean said.  .

The confession—

Closing my eyes, I laid a hand over my stomach. I couldn't think of that word let alone talk it out.

Ryan, my twisted broken Ryan.  .

A sob broke out from my mouth and the dead room suddenly had noises. My shoulders shook and I let it all out.

Everything I had been holding inside came tumbling out. And the sobs turned into me calling out his name.

Over and over again.

My heart ached.

I had never felt this empty in my entire existence. A hollow gap had opened up in the middle of my heart. .it was sucking in the life out of me.

One dark thought after another. .

I took the screwdriver and did his brakes. .

Feeling claustrophobic, I sat up. . pushing my hair off my face. My nose burned up and my eyes stung. .

I don't care if I live in hell as long as you live in heaven

Getting up from the bed, I took my cellphone and slipped it in the back of my jeans pocket and then I dashed outwards.

I had to get answers.

From the same place I lost my everything.

××××××××××

As the cab hailed away, I looked up at the blinking Harrison Tower looking as sleek as ever. The whole world moved at same pace I had left it one week ago.

How was it the world kept moving when I had stopped?

I was burning and the world didn't give a shit.

Welcome to the reality, Eleanor!

Walking towards the building, I kept my head low because I knew I had red eyes and under eye bags.

The chapped skin and lips were an added cherry on the top. I didn't want the security to analyze my drug addict like state.

Getting in, I didn't bother going towards the reception. I knew my way around and my steps were hurried.

I went straight at the lift and pushed the button, opening it up.

The man inside tipped his hat at me.

And I nodded with a grimace, lately no one could get anything out of me . .not even a smile.

I didn't have it in me.

After few minutes, the doors opened and I knew the man had given me a curious look because .  .the second I got out. .I started to run.

Run and run until I was standing in front of his door.