The Path to Hue

Part XXII

"What are you doing here?"

"Didn't Stella tell you? She invited me. I know you probably know about what's happened between us, you guys are besties after all."

I exhale shakily,

"Did she say that?"

"Say what? That you two are best friends?"

I nod.

"I thought you'd be the first one to know boo. Is your anxiety really that bad right now?"

"Oh you have no idea," I lay down on the bed. My hands are shaking. She lays next to me.

"So... I know about your whole situation...." she says blankly.

"Did Violet tell you?"

"Eh, bits from Violet. A bit from Stella, and a little from Jade. It seems like alot."

"Why do you think I tried to kill myself at one point? It was unbearable. I couldn't do anything! I was completely useless, just caught in the crossfire if anything."

"I totally get that. Let me tell you something: with me and Stella, I thought it was so complicated. But at the same time... it's really not."

"What do you mean?"

"She told me was a lesbian and that she liked me, just one day out of the blue. Poof! Friendship on thin tension-filled ice. My family is so weird about the lgbt community. It's a wonder they let me and my sisters go to 'Rainbow High'. And a part of me was worried when she told me. I didn't want my family to hate my best friend. But at that point, was she my best friend? Or something more?"

"Was it internalized-?"

"It was internalized homophobia! And it took me so long to process, I shut her out for such a long time. And I feel so bad for it. And I know she's been hurting so much because of me."

"Wait, have you told her any of this yet?"

"She's passed out on the couch, I literally can't."

"Well, I'm glad you guys basically have it worked out. Except for your family of course,"

"But that's what I'm trying to say, Ruru! There's a solution in the ugliest of situations, and I'm sure there's one for you right in plain sight."

"Karma, I wish it was that easy-"

"What do you want most right now?"

"What?"

"Just answer. What do you need?"

"Um, I want to feel... safe, held, unjudged and cared for. I don't want to be hurt again."

"And does someone specifically come to mind when you say that?"

"Karma, I tried. I tried telling Skyler that I want her. She thinks I'm too fragile right now. And now I have the opportunity to start fresh with Georgia out there. She seems so understanding, but am I willing to drag her down like I did Skyler? It's unfair to her."

"Woah, you're telling me you have a chance with Georgia? Damn, Ruby. You have to understand that you are an absolute player. Violet, Skyler and miss Bloom-"

"Please don't-" I say, covering my face.

"...Sorry. I didn't realize I struck a nerve,"

"What are you even doing here? I know Stella invited you, but did you get lost looking for the bathroom? Why are you here with me?"