𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 ━ five hargreeves

18│THE MEANING OF LOVE

Love has always been an abstract concept for me. As someone who cannot actually experience it this should not come as a surprise. Do I love my job? At times I suppose I do, but never in the true definition of the word.

There are many types of Love. Platonic, between friends. Romantic, between partners. Familial, between family members. The Greeks knew this as well and in their orderly way they classified these different types of feelings. Eros, philia, ludus, agape, pragma, philautia.

*** 𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ***

Agape: selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love

I have mentioned before that no matter what timeline or events that occur, Dolores will always, always meet Number Five even if the circumstances are never the quite the same. This is the type of love I will be focusing on.

Agape.

When Dolores sacrificed herself for her beloved assassin, she made a selfless decision based on her unconditional love for him, thus fulfilling the complete definition of the word. It is the same decision this Dolores will make countless times, though not all will end in her demise— just one, when she intercepts the bullets meant for her husband. Then, Number Five will take her place as Liesel Meminger and Dolores will become Rudy Steiner.

I'm sorry, did I just give away the ending? I know I'm being rude. It's just that, if you knew my opinions about my work, you'd understand. Mystery is known to bore me. I don't have much interest in building suspense.

Still, it is in this agape form of love that does not mean the end of Lola. Against all odds, against his nature of disagreeing with his father, Number Five will do what number five failed to: reverse time to bring back the one he loves most.

It is true that neither— or well, Dolores— does not quite yet feel this. Dolores, you see, has not yet forgotten that Number Five is planning on leaving her. She is afraid that she already cares too much about this stubborn, irritating boy and will be crushed in his final departure. She is afraid that she has already fallen for him despite this. She is afraid that it is too late.

What it would be nice for her to know is that Number Five is wrestling with a completely different matter: he has fallen in love with Dolores. He certainly hadn't meant for this to happen but somewhere along the line of snarky comebacks and heartfelt moments, he realized that she was someone he couldn't live without. In the beginning, he spent his time beating himself up for having such a weakness and made an attempt to ignore it.

That didn't work.

Then, he begrudgingly accepted his fate. Number Five could even pinpoint the exact moment when he realized his feelings for the girl though he hadn't admitted it to himself until much later. It had been when she had sacrificed her own notebook in order to get him home. He'd responded oh, well thanks, I guess— but he had to physically stop himself from adding Dolores at the end. That was when he knew, for the girl's prediction had been right.

*** 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 ***

"What, so if you ever say my name that means you're gonna be in love with me or something?"
(This included saying her name in his head.)

After that, he spent the following weeks re-writing all of his equations to include two-person time travel. Even if there was already a Dolores in the past, she wouldn't be who he considered his Dolores. Therefore, the only logical thing to do was recreate every problem to include a passenger.

Number Five had never considered himself to be the type of person to fall hard and fast but in the ironic fate of his destiny he had— just like all the other times. It was easier in the beginning when the air wasn't so clean and they had to wear masks so he couldn't see her face. It got much harder once they revealed to each other what they looked like (not that he'd forgotten.)

*** 𝐍𝐔𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐄 ***

"I don't even remember what you look like."

Now, he was frequently concerned about the girl's welfare though he made an effort not to be obvious about it. He couldn't help being concerned at her ill reaction to their first spacial jump, though, or when she was hurt (which had happened once. He'd mocked her for days about it once he knew she wasn't in grave danger.)

This was when he'd decided (though he made it seem like an improvement for him and not for her) to have a permanent place to settle. The old library was still in relatively good condition and he'd found a chalkboard in the rubble and— against all odds— chalk. It was there that the two staked their claim and put down roots, both physically and emotionally.

It was poignant, really, that the love they felt became reciprocated in a place where both of their interests lay: Number Five with his numbers and Dolores with her books.

There is still much story to be covered, from the two's journey out of the apocalypse, their years spent (wasted) in the time-travelling organization, to finally saving the world. But first, we must finish covering how Number Five and Dolores fell in love. We should deal with that now, don't you think?

It's settled then.

We will.

It started with an news article from the past: "Thirty-Six Questions That May Lead to Love."