Cloudy Skies {Kaneki x Fem!Reader}

19: Dreaded Vehemence

A/N: Been a while. It's nice to to be back with writing this story. I've dedicated this chapter to 'Hold Back The River' by James Bay. A lot of lyrics in this song make me think that Y/N as a character in this fanfiction resonates with. She imagines what kind of person she would've turned into if she still had her parents in her life. I also think that she sees a lot of someone she knew in Kaneki...but ssh that's to be revealed later. Anyway, as usual I hope you all enjoy the chapter. Hope everyone is enjoying the start of September. Stay safe!! If you ever want someone to talk to my DM's on here and Instagram always open. Remember that even if all you did today was breathe, you're doing amazing! You are so precious even if it may not seem that way at times. You're an incredible and unique person who deserves to be shown all the beauty of living. You matter and I'll be here to always tell you so! <3333333

While you and Kaneki once again sat in silence, drinking your coffee, it was apparent that he wished to talk about something.
"Anything on your mind?" You expressed. He took the initiative to answer almost immediately.
"Remember what you told me that day you bursted into my room?"
"It's a vague memory. Something about you sending me to my death against the CCG, right?" You jabbed, frowning a tad over the reminder. It was true that the memory had become slightly blurred. You could make out small details, but the rest was just floating around your psyche like broken pieces of glass.
"Right, that." Kaneki cleared his throat.
"You mentioned that you couldn't help how you were born. Shouting at me that you wouldn't have wanted to be born the way you were." Kaneki began, helping you grasp the memory. Nodding, Kaneki proceeded.
"I've always felt so terrible for the way we treated you—for the way I treated you. Nishiki was right, Eto was never a great planner. She let the power and hatred over the Manager get to her head." Kaneki stopped to chuckle to himself. You sat in an uncomfortable form, not sure how to express your emotions. Kaneki's nervous smile quickly faded once he noticed your unmoved expression.
"I remember it a little better now. I still stand by those words." You admitted, plain-faced. Kaneki shot his head in your direction; stunned.
"Despite what my life is now, I always imagined what it would be like to just be fully human. To live anywhere else and experience a normal, average life." You expressed with an affiliating smile. Kaneki tilted his head in awe of your thoughts. You hesitated, but asked anyway.
"What was being human like for you? I know most of the story in essence of what you chose to tell us, including things I simply heard being told about you, but I'm a little curious."
"As you know, my mother was abusive, I never knew my father and my teen years leading up to that were pretty isolating due to how my aunt treated me. There were good times though; especially once I moved out and began attending university. I do miss it, sometimes to death." Kaneki expressed as you were captivated in the knowledge of knowing about pure human life.
"There were a lot of things I look back on that I'm grateful for. But, many of those things, besides being able to eat human food, are still with me. Most of what I cherished—and still do—is Hide." Kaneki shrugged. You groaned in question.
"Hide is definitely the kind of person that would befriend anyone and have the energy to make them all happy somehow." You tittered softly. When Kaneki didn't speak after that, you went a bit off topic.
"Did you have a favorite food?" You wondered. He looked down with a smile, tittering lightly.
"Steak burgers."
"Really? I would've pegged you as a curry rice kind of guy." You considered, jabbing at him some more.
"Curry rice?" Kaneki seemed taken aback by the assumption.
"It's simple, yet delicious. Don't pretend it isn't amazing." You playfully gasped.
"Being born half ghoul and half human, you'll always be able to consume human food. Do you have favorites?" Kaneki asked innocently. His features and tone seemed like he wanted to know all that he could possibly know about you and more. The realization hit you, making you squirm in your seat a bit. Kaneki noticed once again, shifting away immediately.
"We don't have to continue, we can change the subject if I'm being too much."
"Gyudon and takoyaki." You answered, obliged to continue. With a short smile, it was the go-ahead that Kaneki needed. He hummed, inquisitively.
"Did you have a favorite sweet?" You pondered on. Kaneki thought for a moment, but shook his head.
"Not really, I was more of a meat and savory, salty kind of human. I enjoyed Taiyaki every now and again, though."
"Mmh, I agree with that." You joked.
"Really? What about you? Does such a hardened person even enjoy sweet things?"
"Oh, aren't you funny." You sarcastically jested before answering.
"It may have been presumed, but I really like coffee jelly." You chuckled a bit as you remembered how much you loved another dish even more.
"Oh, but a dessert I absolutely will never get tired of is mochi cookies." You hummed delightfully in recollection of eating such a delectable treat.
"Simple, but unique, I like that." Kaneki complimented, allowing his smooth, deepened tone to glide. It took him a moment, but for a few seconds, you could see the softness in his eyes. They didn't hide, nor lie to you. You felt overwhelmed with a memory, inhaling before getting it out.
"I still remember when Nishiki came to talk to me on the roof the morning after that—altercation you and I had." You started, laughing nervously.
"I told him that you always kept your circle tight; that I would never want to associate myself with any of you." Kaneki was saddened by your confession, though, it was the opposite. You giggled, shaking your head.
"No, that's not how I feel anymore. I'd be lying if I said I trusted you completely, because I don't. But the anger I held isn't festering like it was." You went on, looking away. Kaneki went quiet, his eyes only on you.
"There was something Nishiki had said that I still think about sometimes." You started twiddling with your fingers nervously. Though, conveniently for you, Touka had walked down the stairs to tell Kaneki and yourself some news.
"Nishiki is coming by with Kimi to tell us some new details on her experiments." Touka felt as if she was intruding, but Kaneki dispelled that emotion from her as he began to speak.
"Did he give any specific details?" Kaneki wondered. Touka shook her head.
"Just said he was coming by. Am I interrupting anything?" Touka was quick to get her question out, noticing how absent you were from the conversation. You shot your head over at her, quick to respond.
"No, we were just talking about some old memories." You were half telling the truth in that aspect. Kaneki exhaled from his nose with a triumphant smile on his face.