As Cold As Ice

School

I woke up with my face against the floor of the tarp and the flashlight still in my hand. My temple still had dried blood running down the side of my head. I could hear kids laughing from the school.

"Shit" I muttered which earned a gasp from Avery.
"That's a bad word Alex!" He yelled at me angrily. I just smiled because I learned that I didn't have a parent to shout at me when I said things like that.
"Who cares? Moms not here anymore" I smiled cheekily as Avery almost died from shock.
"Shit" Avery whispered before covering his mouth with his hands. I erupted into laughter while watching him freak out.

"I don't think I'll say them words Alex, they don't make me feel good" Avery replied with an uneasy expression plastered on his face. I just laughed and emerged from the tarp.
"Come on Avery" I urged as he glanced around the tarp.
"Can I bring one?" He asked with an evil smile, referring to the comics.
"Yes, now come on" I said, pulling him out of the base.

I realised that both my brother and I looked a little rough but there wasn't much I could do about that. We didn't have a spare set of clothes and I didn't have anything to clean us up with. As we entered the yard full of kids, it's as if we were the needle in the haystack. You could tell we didn't belong but we were there anyway.

I opened the door to the school and walked down the hall as I held Avery's hand. I was nervous and I didn't know what would happen to us. I held my breath as I opened my classroom door to see my whole class staring at Avery and I. They all looked shocked as they stared at us both.

"Alex, you're back" Someone cheered but everyone else was in shock, including Ms.Jane. She walked towards us and stood out in the hall while keeping the door to the classroom closed.

"Alex, what happened to your head?" She gasped, almost with disgust.
"My mom hasn't come home in days, there's no food in our house so we've been starving and I couldn't leave to go to school because I had to take care of Avery. I'm tired and I just want to sleep" I rambled, suddenly beginning to cry. I couldn't contain my stress anymore.
"What about your dad?" She asked curiously.
"I don't have a fucking dad" I yelled at her, before stepping back. Averys mouth was wide open before he burst into laughter.
"Alex you said a bad word to a grown up" He laughed, making me giggle at him while tears were still running down my cheeks.

"Come on boys, come with me" Ms.Jane spoke softly as she walked us down the hallway.
"I can't believe you said that Alex" He laughed hysterically.
"It just came out" I laughed finally releasing some of the anger I had built up towards my mother.

Ms. Jane spoke to the principal for awhile.

I placed my ear against the door to hear what was happening.
"If the boys mother is no longer around, then they'll be put into foster care, it's the only way" Mr. Reid spoke, who was the principal at the time.
"I'm just asking you to give me one night with the boys before we call child services. We don't know if they'll be separated or not" She pleaded with him. I stepped back from the door, my heart was racing. I didn't want to be separated from Avery, he needed me and I needed him.

"Alex, are you okay?" Avery asked curiously, noticing my shocked expression.
"Yeah, it'll be okay" I nodded, trying to believe that myself.
"Of course it will, mom will come back" He smiled innocently, swinging his legs under the chair which were too short to reach the ground. I wish I could've believed that but apart of me knew what the future held for us.

Suddenly the door opened, revealing Ms. Jane.
"Alex and Avery, you're coming home with me today while we search for your mother. Although we need to go to your house first and get new clothes" She smiled as if it was a good thing. I didn't say anything besides "okay". I wanted the best possible life for Avery, whether it was with me or without. I wanted him to have a house with a mom and a dad who actually took care of him. Instead of a big brother who couldn't do anything.

"Alex, come with me, and Avery you wait there" Ms. Jane warned with her eyebrows raised. Avery nodded obediently while I walked around the corner of the hall with Ms. Jane.

She sat me on a counter top and wiped the blood from the temple. She put a plaster on the side of my head, hoping that it would be enough for it to heal.

"Alex I know you're not clueless, you know what will happen to you and Avery. Are you prepared for that?" She asked curiously, taking a step back to see my expression. I didn't speak, I just nodded. I knew I wasn't but I wasn't selfish either. Avery was my soft, cry baby brother, if new parents will make him happy then so be it.

She just nodded in return before lifting me from the counter. I walked back and we left in Ms. Jane's car. She got another teacher to watch our class.

*****

"Avery, grab all of your clothes, we won't be back here again" I stated, glancing around my room.
"Why?" He asked confusedly, not understanding that we were about to placed into foster care. I shut our bedroom door.
"We don't have a mom or a dad and we can't live by ourselves" I spoke as I fixed his messy hair.
"Why can't you take care of me?" He asked, his eyes welling up with tears.
"I'm still a kid too, they would never allow it" I smiled reassuringly as I patted his head.
"But what about mom?" He weeped, looking at the photo of her on our wall.
"Avery she left us, you knew mom was never well; she was always sick" I replied, feeling defeated.

"How about we leave her a message?" I said happily before noticing Avery's sad expression begin to lighten.
"Okay" he nodded before wiping the tears from his cheeks.

Dear mom, we've left the house. We are with Ms. Jane and then we will be put into foster care. We will miss you. Avery and Alex.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked Avery before getting a nod in response. I heard Avery's stomach growl loudly.
"We need food" I thought aloud.

I grabbed my piggy bank and a photo of Avery and I before leaving the room.
"Ms. Jane, could we stop at Mc Donald's and get a happy meal for Avery?" I asked handing her my piggy bank.
"What about you Alex?" She asked curiously, holding my piggy bank.
"Oh, I'm not hungry, it's okay" I reassured her as I glanced at my brother who had a smile on his face. I knew I was lying. I could pass out from hunger but I didn't think I had enough money in my piggy bank for the both of us.

"Sure, let's go boys" She nodded with a gentle smile. I saw her glance back into the kitchen with a worried expression.
"Oh, don't worry about the needles. They're my moms medicine" I spoke confidently as we left the apartment. I saw a look of sadness appear on her face. I don't know why she was sad about it.

I always knew they were drugs, but if I was ever around Avery or adults, I'd pretend I didn't know. I knew they were bad, I didn't exactly know why but I knew what they did to my mom. They made her skinny and sick. I never liked watching what she did, neither did she. She wasn't a bad mom, just not a very good one.

As we sat, eating Mc Donald's in a car park, I remember feeling anxious for the first time. I didn't know what would become of Avery and I. I was terrified to lose him but I knew I wouldn't let it come to that. Ms. Jane insisted on buying me food aswell, I hadn't eaten in days so it's safe to say that my food was gone within minutes. She also bought us ice cream before bringing us back to her house.

"Here Alex, you hold your blanket, and Avery you hold yours" She instructed as she placed a heavy blanket in my arms. We made our way down the stairs and she set up the sofa's for Avery and I to sleep on. My couch faced Avery's which I liked.

Ms. Jane turned the light off.
"Goodnight boys" She said before making her way up the stairs.
I lay under my blanket with only my head poking out. Avery smiled as he lay comfortably on his couch; that was before he realised it was dark in the room.

"Alex" Avery whispered quietly. I didn't respond.
"Alex" he whispered louder this time, catching my attention and breaking me away from my thoughts.
"Yes" I responded quietly, looking at him from my couch.
"I'm scared" He whimpered, peering around the room. I'm not really sure where his fear of the dark came from but he was definitely terrified of it.

I sighed before opening my blankets, showing him that he could come over. He ran over with a smile, climbing in next to me.
"We'll be okay Alex, right?" He asked, pulling the blankets to his chin. I knew I couldn't lie to him.
"Yeah, you'll be alright" I nodded reassuringly.