Love is killing your darling.
•
Peter Parker
She knows a lot, she knows it all, she sees through people but she cannot see through herself.
One thing she is incapable of knowing and understanding is love, love that I can give. Love that she also can return for there is trust between us. If there is no trust, there is no love, and the same goes for the other way around.
And it scares me how she seems to want to lives without love.
So when her mind can't understand how delicate love can be, she can never comprehend how powerful jealousy can also become.
My heart is aching, but not in the way that brings tears to my eye, but the kind that kills me alive. I sit in the corner of the restaurant, watching them enjoying their dinner.
My body holds still but it's burning inside. (Y/n) is incredibly great at acting when she feels the need to. I helped her killing that girl, I helped her making fake traces, I set her free from the monster holding her back, but now she's laughing with him. Isn't life ironic?
"Thank you... really, for being here." She says to Barnes, whose eyes need to be poked with a knife for looking at her so adoringly.
"I just do what I can to help." He says. Sure, man. Nothing else you want from her I see.
"If you weren't there I wouldn't know what to do. But now I think I might at least get some sleep tonight." She smiles and looks up at him. The kind of eyes that looks so innocent, you will never expect her to be the one feeding her snake people's hearts.
And yet, she never looked at me that way.
All the smiles were smirks, with hints of insanity. And now I wonder what is my place is in her game. Am I her pawn or her knight, am I even matter enough to be on the chessboard.
Fuck. I never should have agreed to this. Seeing someone you fell for acting so happy with someone else hurts, and they're just talking. I want to eat a bullet or something.
They're walking out to the front of the restaurant. I cannot hear what they say, I can only see their smiles. And... him kissing her on the cheek.
Feed me a bullet. Now.
(Y/n) waves at Barnes as he gets into his car and drives off. She then turns around and that smile disappears in a blink of an eye, back into her emotionless face. She looks at me.
I get up and sigh, then go to meet her at the back door.
(Y/n) walks out lighting up her cigarette, but it's not lit up. "Shit's broken." She mutters.
I bring out my lighter and light it for her with so many things to say but I am bottling it up. She thanks me under her breath.
"How did it go?" I ask.
"He's baited. He'll pick me up at uni tomorrow."
"To do what?"
She looks away, exhaling smoke, staring into the night whilst the cold wind is flushing upon us. "Whatever, whatever that's gonna get me the information about Steve Rogers."
"Whatever like... whatever it takes?"
She looks at me with annoyed stares. "Just get in the car." She says.
We sit down in silence as she starts the engine, I still can't help but wait for an answer.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?" She asks me. "I'll do whatever it takes to kill every last one of them who ruined me from the start, do you have a problem, Peter Parker? Because I did warn you that if I don't think you can be trusted, then you die."
