OUT OF THE RED ↝ dave grohl

another update...?

well, here we are again.

as i said in my prior update, i really want to finish this story, but i felt bad coming out and saying so when i have a tendency to announce that i'll continue writing before i end up disappearing again.

my behavior in itself is mostly unpredictable, but the response i got from those reading this story made me so confident that moving forward is the best option. i didn't respond personally to each comment, but seriously, thank you to everyone's encouragements and reassurances that i can take my time!

i didn't stop writing because i lost interest. life literally did get in the way. i live across the country from my hometown now, and i mostly work every day. adjusting to a new pattern has been hard, but i do think i'm in a place where i can balance my hobbies/interests with my responsibilities.

when i finally checked wattpad after a long time, my jaw dropped. the comments, follows, and general reads that i've gotten across my profile and stories shocked the absolute hell out of me. i cannot believe this tiny little profile with its silly little books that i created in college have amassed this much attention. although not everyone who has supported will read this, i still want to say thank you. if i don't respond to any messages or comments that i've missed, it's only because i don't know where to start. thank you all so much for caring about my writing, sharing with me how it's affected you and supporting my work even when i'm absent.

not much has changed since i first began writing OOTR, but in some ways, things have changed. for one thing, i am way more protective about my writing/identity. i took down my rant book in fear that this profile and my other story, in the sun, was gaining attention that i didn't want my face attached to. i mean, not everyone is going to treat you nicely when they realize you're writing nirvana stories.

i took some time to scroll through the comments left on this book and i felt a ton of varying emotions. i know that some of my creative choices pushed readers away, some of which i stand by and others that i regret.

i notice a lot of people absolutely loathe the fact that i made reagan pregnant halfway through the story. i don't read a ton on wattpad outside of nirvana stories, so i was shocked when people lamented that another story featured an OC having a baby. i can see now where this trope is overused and exhausting, but it's one decision that i don't regret. the inclusion of reagan and dave having a kid together ties in with where i want to take this story. i obviously won't give anything away, but gracie needed to exist. for this story to take the route i've planned for it, she had to be inserted into the plot line as a very important link between what reagan and dave have together.

another subject i wanted to touch on, though it's not as important — courtney. so, so, SO many of my readers have thoughts when it comes to my portrayal of courtney love, whether it's in this story or in the sun. my own feelings towards courtney have shifted hugely over the years. as a young preteen, i hated her because she'd wound up with kurt when naturally my twelve year old self should have been in her place (sarcasm). in my teenage years, i admired her, fell in love with hole and respected her brash persona. in college, my love for courtney cooled once i realized how painfully flawed she is as a human being. nonetheless, i never wanted to pit any single one of my OCs against her. to me, it's tacky to have women fight over something as eye-roll-inducing as a man.

with that being said, i am no fan of courtney love. i absolutely adore hole and their music, but it is very difficult for me to express fondness for courtney considering her history of generally shitty behavior. i don't deny that she's smart, a symbol of female empowerment and wildly talented, but some of the shit courtney has done just doesn't sit right with my own moral values. for that reason, i pretty much killed any chance of friendship between reagan and courtney in this story. i don't intend to spawn a war between them (like i said, i don't want to reduce courtney to a literary device that incites rage in my OCs) but i also don't really want to write her much at all.

i'll keep it as "historically accurate" as possible when it comes to courtney, but i'm not going to try to save her crumbling public image for the sake of wrapping up my stories with a nice little bow. if you love courtney, don't worry, i'm not going to ridicule her to death like some nirvana fans do. to put it simply, i just don't have any desire to make her any more integral to my plot than she already is. she's there. she was kurt's wife. she is the mother to frances. she led a badass band with stellar music. and i'm keeping it at that.

i've also internally stressed a lot about my readers' response to OOTR. in the sun ended up making a lot of people really happy, but i don't want this story to be a carbon copy of that one. yes, i DO write for my own satisfaction, but i can't deny that i love writing to appease all you beautiful people. no matter what direction i take OOTR, please know it was done because i went with my gut when piecing together the plot. i'm not giving anything away of course, but i feel the need to say that. yes, i'm a horribly anxious person who feels the need to justify my every decision.

i believe there were some other points i wanted to touch on, but for now i'll leave it at this since i've rambled for a thousand words too long. thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who is still reading and supporting me and making me happily tear up.

i want to finish this one for you.

(. . . and hopefully write another kurt story in the near future . . . )