31: HER INSECURITIES

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"That's it Shehnaaz. Whenever you are confused if you are right or wrong just drink water and try to keep yourself in my place you will get your answer", Sidharth said and bend near her. Shehnaaz nodded with a smile his words and actions impress her everytime.

"I can't control my mood swings Sidharth already I am doing it with much difficulty. Please don't try to pull out that Shehnaaz out who died rather say that she killed herself. She don't want to regret again", Shehnaaz said In low voice while looking in his eyes . She is scared to become old Shehnaaz who is childish and demanding. Who don't think before doing something, who is careless and have many mood swings.

Only she know how it Was difficult for her to control her mood swings. That time she hated her demands but life taught her everything. Life taught her how to live alone and control herself. Now she is on that point where she don't want anything just peace of mind

Sidharth softly stroked his hand on her hairs and kissed her forehead. Shehnaaz closed her eyes feeling peace and clutched his shirt from shoulders. Sidharth stayed in this position for a minute and wiped her fresh tears

Everything changed but not her emotional nature. She was very emotional before and now she is more emotional

"No that Shehnaaz never died I can see her and who asked you to stop demanding?", Sidharth asked

"Sidharth.. I just don't want that's it. If I will crave for something I will buy it or will make it but I don't want anything from you", said Shehnaaz with a smile. She is very happy seeing his care and love towards her. Now she want to make him happy but she don't want to demand something from him. She is not a gold digger or any selfish lady who just know how to demand rather than showing love

Sidharth took this on another way. He thought she don't like his things and using his card that's why she is saying this but still he want to know why she said that?

"Why ? You can directly ask me right", Sidharth said in hard voice praying to God that she should not answer whag he is thinking. He want her to answer something positive not that she don't want anything from him

"Because I don't want to trouble you. You are not free.. you are not my servant. Mo... moreover I don't want t...to spend your money... I am not a gold digger", Shehnaaz said with much difficulty fearing his anger as he get angry every second. No-one can guess his mood. She know he love her and he will not insult her directly but indirectly he can think her as gold digger as well

"I am sorry for calling you like that if by mistake I called you gold digger but you are not I know that. I love being ordered by you Shehnaaz. Don't worry. Try to open up and feel free here. You are not caged here but you are behaving like I am forcing you to  change yourself. Ok I understand few things can change but not a whole person. When I meet you.... You were different. A girl who was intelligent, carefree but for work you were always serious.

But here who you are? Are you able to work properly? Are you carefree now? Am I caging you here? If your mood is off or you are unhappy talk with me or mom if not comfortable but don't stay here like you are here professionally", Sidharth said being irritated from her behaviour. He want to see her demanding things from him now. He understand that she is changed now but her actions tell him that she is not totally Changed. She is just wearing a mask of seriousness. He hated when she called herself gold digger.

"First of all Sidharth I am not a toy who can keep changing herself every minute. I know you never treated me like that but I don't want to do mistakes why are you not understanding? I am scared I already suffered a lot Sidharth I can't suffer loneliness again

You can never cage anyone because you are best regarding mom so I talk with her whenever I get time", Shehnaaz said in heavy voice. Sidharth sighed as she is not trying to understand him what he actually want. He know she is not a toy very well. He even know that she is just hiding her emotions and mood swings. She is not changed. He can feel her childish nature with him but she herself is not accepting it

"So are you serious in every conversation with mom or you laugh as well?", Asked Sidharth.

"I do laugh Sidharth who will not laugh with mom?", Asked Shehnaaz and after one second she realised why he asked this. His accusing eyes asked many questions from her regarding their relation. She holded his hand but he jerked them. Shehnaaz again holded his hands and kissed them

"Sorry Sidharth I just don't want to be away from you. I love us when we talk and spend time but I don't like when you are angry with me. If I am carefree then you will become my habit", Shehnaaz said and rubbed his palms . Sidharth nodded as his anger is calmed now when she have reason. His cheeks heated when he realised that she just kissed his hands and holded them with right

"Just enjoy your life so that you will not regret it later. Anyways just help me in packing I have to leave within 2 days", Sidharth said which made her sad. The thought of him leaving her hurt her. She don't want him to leave but she know work is also important. Shehnaaz just hummed and moved towards his cupboard but stopped in middle hearing his voice

"Shehnaaz I will try to come as soon as possible. I didn't thought I will say it but I will miss you a lot", he said in husky voice. Shehnaaz shivered hearing his voice as he is indirectly saying that he love her presence.

"Then find a solution. Don't go or take me with you", Shehnaaz asked. Sidharth smiled because he noticed that she demanded something from him now without realising. She was demanding before too but she herself don't want to admit it

"Nothing is possible biwi jii. That place is not for you. Stay here and check work of employees. Don't take any holiday as I won't be here. There is no much work as I have already completed secured work so you don't have to take tension. You can take anyone's help", Sidharth said. Shehnaaz took a long breath understanding him and his words clearly. She understood one more thing that he still don't trust her otherwise he would have gave her his secured files. But she didn't asked him because she herself lost that right. She can't expect him to do same mistake again

Hearing biwi jii in start she blushed but her blushed flew away when she thought about his office but now she know how to get his love and trust

"Sure I will but come soon", Shehnaaz said and looked down. Sidharth noticed her playing with bedsheet because of concern

"I will and you can call me daily. If mom agreed take her with you. I have cancelled every meeting so you guys will not face any difficulty", Sidharth told shocking her because in this way he is going to give himself more stress and work which she don't want . She want him to enjoy his life too

"Why? You can't do this. When will rest then?", shouted Shehnaaz in concern

"Calm down. I have cancelled then as they won't give much profit. Cancel means I will not have any meeting after coming back . Don't worry", Sidharth said with a smile. Shehnaaz smiled back and nodded. She is happy that atleast he can spend time with her after coming back

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