𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲

chapter 28

A/N: Bit of a boring chapter guys, sorry about that :((

You're on your way to the bus stop the following morning, too tired to walk to school like you normally do. You sit down and wait for the bus, but without realising you fall asleep.

Not only had you been struggling to sleep the night before, you also haven't been sleeping well in general since your return from the trip. Between taking care of your mother and making up for the studying you couldn't do on the trip, you're honestly exhausted - both physically and mentally.

Seojun is walking to school, since he isn't using his bike, when he sees you sitting at the bus stop on the way. He walks over and sits beside you, gently trying to wake you up.
"The bus will be here soon, wake up," he says softly, but it doesn't work.

He looks over to see if the bus has arrived yet, but freezes when your head lolls to the side and ends up on his shoulder. He slowly turns his head to look at you, admiring your features, deciding to remain still since you look so tired. This is his first time being near you since the trip, and honestly he had really missed you, so he just enjoys the moment - while it lasts - and stares at you.

You slowly begin to wake up a few minutes later, looking around slowly. When you realise who you'd been leaning on your eyes widen and you quickly move to sit up straight.

"Sorry," you apologise quickly for leaning against his shoulder before running onto the bus - which had luckily arrived at that moment - without another word. All he can do is just remain seated in shock, his heart racing.

Seojun ends up walking to school, not wanting to get on the bus and make you even more uncomfortable than you clearly already are. He just sighs as he begins walking, still not understanding what's going on with you. He's worried, but he also feels incredibly guilty for not being there to help you through your panic attack.

When you arrive at school you walk into class with Jugyeong, since you'd seen her at the school gate. Jugyeong is immediately bombarded with questions, though, about her supposed boyfriend which everybody starts teasing her for. You see Seojun already seated at the back of the classroom, so you just sigh before going to your desk.

While your classmates surround Jugyeong you discreetly look over at Seojun while getting your belongings out of your bag, noticing how sad he seems to be by this information about Jugyeong. He just looks at Jugyeong longingly while Sua pulls her to sit down and proceeds to interrogate her about her mystery boyfriend.

You flinch when Seojun suddenly shouts, telling everyone to stop being childish and go to their seats, looking up at him and noticing how frustrated he seems to be. The realisation saddens you, and you suddenly no longer want to be in the same room as him.

You get up and walk out of the classroom, hoping nobody will realise as you make your way to the bathroom. Suho does, though, also picking up on the way Seojun watches you leave with a worried gaze. He hasn't spoken to you since the day he saw you crying on the trip, and now you seem to be avoiding him - you seem to be avoiding everyone, though, now that he thinks about it.

From what he saw after you ran away that day he'd gathered that you must have feelings for Seojun, but he's still worried about seeing you cry. You're a good friend of his so he feels guilty for not being able to help you, and he can only imagine how must pain you must be going through after seeing Seojun and Jugyeong together.

All you want to do is quickly wash your face, hoping the cold water will help ease your worries even just a little. You wash your hands and face with freezing cold water, the temperature almost painful but waking you up and providing you with a good enough distraction for a while. You make it back in time for the lesson to start, leaving again right after it's finished so nobody has the chance to speak to you.

You head straight to the comic book store after school that day, thinking it would be a nice place to spend some time alone since you doubt anyone would be there yet. Since the store is near Jugyeong's house she's taken you there a few times before, and you grew to really love the atmosphere. You tend to go with her, but there have been a few times where you wanted to be alone and had gone by yourself.

When you walk in, however, you see Gowoon sitting at the counter. You sigh, but you're also happy to see her so you don't mind too much - you're just glad it's not Seojun or any of your other friends, because you need some time away from all of your feelings for a while.
"Unnie!" she exclaims, pleasantly surprised to see you.

"Gowoon-ah! I completely forgot you worked here," you respond, bringing her into a hug and patting her head. She grins up at you and shakes her head reassuringly, explaining that she had only recently gotten the job so it's understandable that you'd forgotten. You're genuinely happy to see her, just mentally exhausted.

She immediately makes some ramen for the two of you to enjoy and brings it to the room at the back of the store, and you both dig in. The room is silent for a few minutes while you eat, and Gowoon seems to notice that you have a lot on your mind.

She notices the bags under your eyes and can tell you're exhausted, and you seem to be in a bit of a daze - you're physically with her but your mind is clearly elsewhere.
"Unnie," you hum distractedly, but you're listening, "did something happen with Seojun oppa?" she asks suddenly, and you stay quiet as you stop eating for a moment.

"You stopped coming over to our house as well, I miss you. My mum does too. And Seojun oppa." You're unable to hold back the scoff that leaves your lips at the latter statement.
"Sure he does," you say bitterly, taking another bite of your ramen to distract yourself.
"Unnie, I know you like him." You almost choke at that, turning to look at her with wide eyes.

She has a soft smile on her face, and you wonder how obvious you must've been if even Gowoon had managed to figure it out. You reach for your water as your coughs begin to subside, trying to think of an explanation. You can't, though, so when you turn back to Gowoon you tell her everything.

You tell her about your feelings for Seojun, and how you know he has feelings for Jugyeong. You tell her about how being around him brings you so much happiness, but all it's been doing recently is causing you pain.
"So that's why you're avoiding him? Because you like him?"

It sounds stupid to hear it out loud, but you know it's true. You're avoiding him because all you can think about when you see him is the way he looked at Jugyeong and wiped her tears, hands cupping her cheeks in a way you can only imagine him holding you.

"Look," you breathe, looking over at Gowoon, "I know it sounds crazy, believe me I know it better than anybody, but I just really can't handle being around him. I can't deal with it. All I can think about when I see him is the fact that he likes Jugyeong, and I don't want my feelings to cause problems with my friends, not more than it already has at least."

Gowoon feels like crying when she hears you speak, she can hear your voice cracking and knows how broken your heart must be from what's happening to you. She doesn't know why her brother hasn't figured out his feelings yet; he seems to say one thing but act differently. 

"Maybe," you look down with a sigh, "if I avoid him long enough, my feelings will disappear one day," you finish and look up at her with a smile that leaves her visibly unconvinced. Even you know that what you're saying is completely false, because with how strong your feelings are you don't think you're going to be able to forget them so easily. But you have to force yourself to believe it'll be that easy. It has to be.