Ciel [Yoonmin]

47.

Hoseok rested his chin on his hand as his eyes closed. He could feel himself drift to sleep and if it weren't for the sudden knock on the door he would've drifted away.

Quickly, he got up and struck in pose. It was three thirty in the morning and no one was usually awake at this time aside from the guards outside and the one guarding Jimin.

"Come in." He announced.

Yoongi opened the door and stepped in with hesitation. Hoseok immediately relaxed and took a seat. He motioned him to have one as well.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Yoongi thought of ways to start the conversation. He found himself looking at the various screens on Hoseok's walls with the recording of every camera in the house.

He wondered how many times he's had to erase footage of Jimin and him. Probably more frequently than he used to.

"Has Sehun mentioned anything else to you?" He asked, turning his gaze away from the cameras.

"Not since that day. Like I mentioned, he has no proof of this. We both know how impulsive and ignorant he can be in certain situations. Taehyung even knows this and that's why he doesn't trust him with everything."

"I know. Oh and, uhh, thank you. I never got to tell you. For warning me I mean and for everything else you do." He looked down at his lap while he said this.

It was awkward to speak to him on a friend level. The only time he ever talked to anyone was about his job and tasks.

"Sure. You're welcome."

There was silence once again. Hoseok could tell that Yoongi was overthinking. He knew exactly what he was going through. Their situations were very similar.

But Yoongi's situation was worse in a way. Jimin lived here and it was impossible to forget that Taehyung was still in the picture.

At least with Jungkook he didn't have to hide as much. He wasn't here guarding the man he loved while Taehyung did despicable things to him.

"It's hard to stay away, isn't it?" Hoseok finally asked.

Yoongi looked up from his lap and nodded. "Very."

"You know, I've been avoiding giving Jungkook his Christmas present. It's already New Years and I'm still holding onto it."

"Why's that?" He wondered what this had to do with the previous question. Was he trying to lighten the mood?

"I'm going to give him some savings. A golden ticket for him to get out of the shithole life he's living. I don't want him to keep living this way. I'm going to give it to him eventually because it's what's best for him. I've been so selfish to keep him this long. So I will give him the money. Even if it means losing him."

Yoongi swallowed the thick knot in his throat. He finally understood what Hoseok was trying to say. He was willing to let his lover go for his protection. It's what was best.

"I know it's hard." Hoseok added. He looked deeply saddened. The purple under his eyes was more noticeable than before and something told him that it wasn't the lack of sleep.

"Yeah." He sighed as he got up. He turned to look at Hoseok once again, "I—I better get going. Thanks for the talk."

Hoseok nodded and gave him a smile, but nothing could hide his sadness. Yoongi wondered if he had already started looking like him.

•••

"This always makes me sad." Jimin admitted as he took down the spheres.

"Putting the Christmas stuff away?"

"Yes. It makes me feel like I'm packing away my favorite thing. Well, one of my favorites." He added with a smile.

Yoongi smiled, but his eyes seemed lost. Jimin's smile vanished as he titled his head trying to interpret his emotions.

"Let's continue, yeah?" Yoongi added, avoiding his gaze.

They finished packing in silence. The way up to his room was silent. As they got closer to his room, Jimin could feel himself panic. All this silence was constricting him.

"Can you come in the room with me?" Jimin whispered.

"Uhh...I think it's best for me to stay here for right now. Taehyung could arrive any minute." He responded quietly, but respectfully.

Jimin's heart clenched tightly in his chest. It's not that Yoongi was mean with the way he said it. It just hurt him to be rejected. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.

The months were slipping away and before he knew it the time to say goodbye would come.  That's why he wanted every second by his side. Was he being clingy again? Desperate? Had his lack of love already annoyed Yoongi? Was he pitying him?

"I can go in for a few minutes." He added as he looked at him. It was pretty evident to Yoongi that he had hurt him.

Jimin's facial expression changed, but the tight ugly feeling was still there. He nodded and walked ahead inside the room. He kept staring at the wall as he heard Yoongi enter.

"I didn't mean to be rude." Yoongi spoke. His voice was soft and gentle. It was so sweet that it could melt him.

Jimin swallowed the knot in his throat. He could feel himself grow emotional. It was childish. So childish. He hated that his temper was wired to his tear ducts.

"I just...we need to be careful." He said hesitating. He thought about telling him about Sehun, but that would only worry him.

Jimin took a breath and blinked his tears. He turned around to him and thought of what to say. Actually, he knew what he wanted to say. He just didn't know how to say it.

If his voice were to break then he'd burst into tears for sure. So, he kept a steady breath until he found himself calm enough to speak.

"What's wrong?" His voice sounded strained. He cleared his throat, "What's really wrong? You seem so distant Yoongi. Ever since...and I know you said you don't regret it. Then why are you being this way? Am I—am I crazy? Am I overthinking this?"

In order to keep his composure, he had to speak quietly. He was afraid of hearing his response. Of seeing his face and knowing that he could break him with one look.

"There's nothing wrong." Yoongi said. He kept all emotions off his face to prevent him from worrying him.

"Why're you lying to me? Don't treat me like I'm stupid. I'm old enough to handle it. I can see it, feel it. I know there's something you're hiding from me." His voice got angrier as he spoke.

One thing he hated was being left in the dark. His heart was pounding loudly and the tips of his ears were red.

Yoongi reached over to touch his cheek. Within seconds, Jimin's anger diminished. This was the effect he had on him.

He melted into his touch and leaned further searching for warmth. Yoongi wrapped his arms around him and messily kissed the top of his head.

"There's nothing wrong." He repeated. "Don't overthink it. It's okay."

Only there was something wrong. Something very wrong. He was currently battling with himself. The talk with Hoseok had been a brutal wake up call.

He couldn't be selfish. It was wrong. It was cruel. It was endangering Jimin. Every second spent with him, every touch, every affection. It was a growing snowball heading towards disaster.

"I better get back to my spot." He mumbled.

Before leaving, he grabbed his face and kissed his lips. It was deep, needy, and full of love. Once he pulled away, he then headed out leaving Jimin behind empty and cold.

As much as he tried to tell himself it was okay, he couldn't make himself believe it. Yoongi was distant. He could feel him slipping from his hands and he couldn't stop it.

He put his hand over his chest and sat on the bed. His chest felt heavy. It felt like an elephant was on top of him not letting him breathe.

It was starting to feel like the beginning of the end.